Last week, I saw this contest and it boiled my blood and chilled my nerves. How I wished to have my entry but I was too much busy. I want to share about this topic because of the latest experienced that I had been through.
I knew that some of you knew me that I became widow 17 years ago and I kept myself being alone for the love of my son and family. I have only one son but I am the bread winner of my family. Being the eldest among 6 siblings, I found my responsibity to help my parent for the education of my siblings. I didn't finish my studies due to lacked of financial stability. I worked going to another place for sustenance for the family but I was in digraced. I got married to my not boyfriend man. I never had boyfriend before because I preferred to study harder but I failed.
Without love in the first place, I managed to have a happy family at my younger age. We lived for 7 years together then I went abroad for greener pasture. It was not my dream to work in abroad but it happened unexpectedly.
My husband died when he was 34 years old. It has been 17 years ago that I stayed alone without thinking about love. My love and the love of my nearest family is enough for me . My life is lonely most especially that I am miles away from home but I stayed stronger every day of my life.
I had been in the blockchain for three years andy loneliness diverted to a happy one when I found a lot of virtual friends around the globe. I enjoyed chatting in group chat related to cryptocurrencies. There was no more than friendship that I had.
The cover of my my covered song
And this is the song I sung.
https://static.starmakerstudios.com/production/uploading/recordings/6473924411665674/master.mp4
Last November, my friend invited me to join #starmaker. Singing was one of my failed dream. I love to sing but I was not tolerated by my mother. I forgot about singing most especially when I came Saudi Arabia. Singing here was prohibited before. I obeyed the law.
At this moment, they are already watching some singing competition and it is open for me to sing a song secretly.
I met someone in #starmaker who showed up his affection during the time I sung the song I never thought that I could Love He showed love and it was me who got wrong who believed his lies. I felt embarrassment today as I confess this here. To be honest, it brought me to tears and there are so many sleepless night I spent because of this weird feeling. Imagine, I am already 50 years old who committed to someone. It was just an online courtship and it giggled me. In the first place, I smiled and inspired. He came from the western part of the globe. Yes, I fall in love again in a wrong time and in a wrong place. Nobody knew it and I kept it away from my family most especially that he lied about his status. He is a married man. It started with the music. I felt the love like a music to my heart but now it makes me sad. A short time love affair gave me so much lesson to learn not to believe quickly. He just played my feeling, he never love me truly and I was wrong to believed that.
One thing I realized and grateful that I found how to love again. I cared it so much. I don't want to expect more. The important to me is that I love him and bring this memory until I die. I don't want to love again. This whirlwind happening to me, I will just keep it inside of me until I die. I confess it here just to open the pain because I know he never love me and he just playingy weaknesses.
I am still still happy for what the chance of loving that I felt. It remains as love and a great part to myself. It became an excercise pumping my closed heart for how many long years.
For now, I am quitely crying of pain, yes it pained me to the bones. I even said to myself that life for me is too unfair. Why it happened to me?
Because of this situation, I accepted and pray that it would become alright. I listened to this song below and it bursts me to tears because it is really the matter of what I really feel right now.
I repeatedly playing this song until my tears will dry up and forget the pain. It is really my hard time and I don't wanna feel this. Soon, maybe after sharing this here could help me overcome everything. I hope #naturalmedicine community could give me some golden words to ease the pain and hardship within me.
Please listen to this song below;
I am the only one who knows the reason. I will overcome this and be in a good shape again or I would die because of this. (Joke)
Last night, I slept late so I could sleep until morning but I awake at 2 am. Until now, I could not sleep and write this entry for the contest about love.
Love is complex.
A mix of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs associated with strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another person.
Love can also be used to apply to non-human animals, to principles, and to religious beliefs. For example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God.
WHAT IS LOVE?
Love has been a favored topic of philosophers, poets, writers, and scientists for generations, and different people and groups have often fought about its definition.
While most people agree that love implies strong feelings of affection, there are many disagreements about its precise meaning, and one person’s “I love you” might mean something quite different than another’s.
The starmaker made me happy, enjoy and tears!
I would like to say thank you to 
Music is also a kind of way how to fight mentalawareness.
It's me,
