So I'm just going to wing it.
Straight off the top of my head. Whatever comes out is what you get.
You damn right it's been awhile since I did this.
Normally I'd come prepared then just fake like I don't know what I'm doing.
This time I'm totally lost for words but I do not want to let the five or so people who agreed with the drunk human, down.
Early December, I took off. Poof.
I realize some would most likely be expecting the entertainer side of me to come out here and put on a show of sorts. Or maybe write about an opinion I have and make it sound intelligent while I confuse everyone with some fucked up art.
I don't think I have it in me.
What I do have inside are a lot of thoughts I've just been keeping to myself. Life has been stressful. Of course that's nothing new to me and I'm sure you know what it's like.
I've been around the block though. You've probably seen me, here and there.
Been messing around on Threads, posting some old art, dumb jokes, memes that probably piss everyone off, maybe some music, trying to strike up conversations and give the new shortform content platform a chance. Just doing whatever and expecting nothing. I don't care what anyone says. Can post whatever you want there. Not just a crypto forum.
Turns out there's some good people there. Don't tell them I said that though. It's that LEO crowd so you know they're just going to HODL that compliment then write a million posts trying to get others in on that action before it's too late.
Got my face rearranged:
So that's what I look like now. Could see me coming from a mile away before. Now it's two miles.
I got sick of people being afraid of me, so this should help.
And of course red is just the perfect color for someone surrounded by crypto enthusiasts. Should be a lot easier for me to make friends now.
I'll let you all in on a little secret as well. You know how I like to be all mysterious and shit. Check out those eyes. The color. What do I see?
Did I just make a prediction? Or are you even more confused?
I start out saying I don't have the showman in me, yet it's been one dumb joke after another...
This is how I deal with stress. I fucking ignore it.
sigh
@Dreemit passed away, what feels like awhile ago, already. That's been hard on me. While I was gone, I missed what turned out to be her final words to me.
Over the years and especially when I was grinding back in the day, trying to create content here, I always hated it when I'd miss responding to comments. Beating myself up extra hard for missing that one.
Sorry I wasn't there.
Always something to gain from a loss. So what do I learn from this?
Always appreciated you people out there but I think I've learned to cherish you all a little more now. Leveled up.
It's not the super quality version. It's old. Produced January of 2017.
When I first started doing this years ago, I didn't really understand what was going on but I knew art could equal money. Long before NFT was a thing, I sold that one. $12.50 and I accepted SBD at the time. Dreemit bought it, and it was the only one I ever sold.
And I think I screwed it up and sent her the wrong file.
I have no idea if I was the first digital artist to accept crypto like that but it was the first time I ever heard of it.
I gave up trying to sell units shortly after. Was happy with whatever votes came in. Work all day. Earn two bucks. Good enough. Whatever. Try again tomorrow.
Never dove into that NFT world. Just didn't feel like I'd belong in there. And for me the writing was always a part of the art.
She was also my first fan, and told me I'd be a star.
Of course I thought that was ridiculous but I didn't argue, much. She just seemed to know all this would eventually work out for me. And I'm happy with how things turned out.
I can't describe it properly. AI art burst onto the scene and for me, processing that; I guess demotivating is the word.
It took me years to develop my own style and with my zany approach, it wasn't always easy. I'd intentionally do the stupidest things at times, then sit back and act like it's serious, yet I was joking, and people knew that, but some didn't get it, and others would be pissed right off.
I knew it wasn't great in the early days but I also knew I was learning. Especially when I started using Krita. Had no clue what all those buttons did.
Over the years I got better and better and turned a really messy style into some of that shit that blows your minds. Blows my mind too!
I didn't want to emulate anything or anyone. Threw the rulebook out the door. Then really started to challenge my own mind; push it to the limits.
It's hard.
I can't even remember when I made that one, and I've produced quite a few more like that.
So I sit back and think: If I started today...
With AI, it's possible I would have shot past those years of learning, developing, having all those people come along to watch the show and encourage me. Skip all the steps and go straight to the grand finale, right off the bat. Deprive myself of all those experiences. Every fuck up and every success, gone.
I'm happy to be a primitive caveman who can make picture with hand.
Free to be a mess in a world of generated perfection designed by the thoughtlessly blind mind. Fuck yeah.
Just look at my new face. I'm a bloody mess.
I'd like to get back into this gig and be a little more active. Of course I've been saying that since damn near the start of Hive. If I counted right, I've only published about 85 posts on this chain. Still exclusive though; can't be found no place else.
Every time I'm around I see it's quiet. I wonder if my work would bring some of those folks back, even just to hang out.
I do a lot of that on chain. Hanging out. Some folks might not recognize me so that can be fun. Been working on some new art but nothing's ready today, aside from Somting. Just winging it after some encouragement I wasn't expecting. Didn't want to let anyone down.
Still alive. Still thinking. Happy to be here.
© 2023 @NoNamesLeftToUse. All rights reserved.
