Greetings Hive scum. It is my understanding your planet has kidnapped my beloved Fakour. He was supposed to be home months ago after agreeing to come back when I promised to give him two hand jobs.
My name is:
I'm sure you've seen this son of a bitch before:
That is the last known recent picture of that piece of shit. He looks to be having a lot of fun on the vacation I wasn't invited to go on due to the fact, "I nag too much."
He told me months ago he was on his way back to our planet (which is ten times better than yours!) and would need new hands since you freaks cut them off after giving him drugs!
Can't you bloody humans read! His identification clearly states he's allergic to meth! And why did you glue a prostitute's wig onto his head?! You humans are sick!
Anyway! I spent weeks trying to locate a suitable pair of hands so I could give him the hand jobs I promised!
But those bastards sent the wrong color! I called them back and they said, "Sorry, bitch! No refunds!"
Now they're starting to rot because I ran out of ziploc bags again and that damn Fakour isn't even home yet!
He better not be having sex with one of you nasty hoes over there!
So anyway. I thought while I waited to hear back from him I could maybe join this wonderful community and share recipes with you fine people.
Here's a picture of me since you all like selfies so much:
Please refrain from sending me dick pics you perverts! That's disgusting.
I hope someday we get to be friends!
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