Today is my 28th birthday.
Like every year, I woke up and forgotten all about it only to be reminded about it by well-wishers. I've stopped being excited about birthdays ages ago, as I've stopped feeling excited about every celebrations as I grow older. This was a bit of a trouble for me, because I started to forget everybody else's birthdays too and everyone thought I'm super selfish!
But that's not the point.
Growing old and letting go is important to me. I've let go a lot of things every year: I've let go of my impractical dreams, I've let go of my unrealistic expectations, I've let go of my toxic "friends", I've let go of my bad habits, I've let go of my past failed relationships, and more.
All of these experiences taught me a lot, made me stronger and wiser. Well, wise in a sense I no longer let people trample me, and that I can take care of myself now without depending on others to stand up for me.
Throughout all of my life, I've been raised in a cage. It wasn't a bad thing for me because my parents loved me unconditionally. They were just overprotective. Nonetheless, the safety they had put me in made me unable to live independently and unable to form my own opinions for a very long time. I was unable to do simple things like take the bus home or fill up the hospital form on my own because I was constantly worrying about making mistakes as my parents were always there to help me.
My teenage years were certainly not easy. I hated myself for being so passive while all of my friends were enjoying themselves to the fullest. It was also bad that I had such a poor health back then and this caused me to get bullied for being physically weak. I hated myself and I hated everyone back then, even held a bit of grudges against my friends, whom I thought did nothing to understand my situation.
A few years after, I was able to get into college which was across the sea from where I live. I was both excited and terrified. This was the first time that I was on my own. I was so afraid and I worried all the time. I worried that I might not make it, I worried that I might cried out of unknown fear and make everyone shun me. Fortunately, the first week of college was spent with junior students orientation, and I spent most of the time feeling terribly tired and sleepy. It was when I realized that fear dissipated when one was feeling tired. Thus I spent the year studying hard until I get so tired that I slept like a baby every night. I finished my college gaining a bit of confidence at being independent.
Later on, I continued my higher education. I was grateful for university because I was blessed by so many tough friends and lecturers who later on helped shaped me into a mature human being. And these helped me tremendously in my work as I could deal with a lot stress and still come out kicking. I am still learning new things every day, still developing both good and bad habits every day, still working on improving myself every day. And for me, the greatest celebration would be of growing old and letting go.
