We all cope with different situations and challenges in life in different ways. Working out till your veins pop off, immersing into gaming, collecting weird items, turning into a plantito or plantita, retail therapy, watching movies, or adopting like 10 cats are some of the ones I can think of that are less harmful than the ones I really know of which are...
Isolating, sleeping too much, binge eating, excessive alcohol use, or self-inflicted pain.
These types are more destructive and will charge you over and over in the future. Compounded over time, it will be detrimental to your overall health.
Fortunately, I've learned to stop using all of the negative coping strategies I mentioned above. However, flirting and having sex with either men or women, depending on who I feel like sleeping with that day, has been a part of my life ever since I was in college. I've yet to erase this part of me.
Finding a one-night stand is easy nowadays. It makes me wonder how people find ONS in the past.
You go into a club or bar and pick someone from there. You don't know anything about this person. Once you do learn a bit more about them. The alcohol's probably busy inside your system making you think of poor choices.
Today's technology allows me to meet a lot of people like me. Looking for a quick fix without any strings attached. Hookups have never been easier and a bit safer I presume. We can easily find people of our preference, and evaluate them before meeting them. We can later decide if this person is someone you'd feel comfortable meeting or if their interests align with your own.
This coping mechanism of mine went away after meeting my most recent partner. I loved this person and dedicated my entire being to her. However, the person I was in love with began to favor someone else. At the time, I believed it to be OK, so I decided to experiment with my sexuality as well. Later on, I realized what I did was unintentional. I was already coping in the guise of "exploring".
My recent events don't help either. I didn't anticipate doing what I did the past week. I've slept with three ladies in the past nine days. Additionally, I came close to going out with the man I met in December of last year.
Does this help me? In a way, it keeps me distracted. I'm kept busy by it. Despite my best efforts to accomplish things that were "good" for me throughout the previous weeks, I find that I wind up exhausting myself. I started looking for solace in the warmth of other people.
I started looking for that high feeling when drunk, my face numb, my body would feel a lot warmer, and I'd reach out to the person closest next to me. I would temporarily forget everything else. My focus is on the woman in my arms. To thank her for her presence, I'd do my best to satisfy them. When the deed is done, you cradle this woman into your arms but then you remember the past and the person you lost.
You sob uncontrollably on the chest lent to you.
Fortunately, I am good friends with the 3 women I met. I confide in them my problems and feelings. We drank, had sex and then I cried in their arms. While patting my head or back, they tell me it's okay to cry. But I didn't want to burden them too. After crying, I pretend that I'm okay. Then I do the same thing the next day uminom, umiyot, at umiyak. ( Drink, Fuck, and Cry)
Everything just goes back in a full circle. Now, my mind just keeps on wandering. All of the feelings I have are jumbled up. I don't know which one to focus on first but I am aware that I have been evading some issues going on with my life.
I no longer wish to hold on to my coping mechanism today. This is the period where I face my problems. I accept where I am at. I accept whatever pain I experience. In the next blank days. I'll cry when I have to. I will no longer suppress my tears.
There have been so many people who came to show their care toward me. So I'd like to thank them for being there for me.
I'd like to thank Camille, Rose, and Isa for providing me with their warmth and their bosoms to cry on.
I'd also like to thank Jiji and Jude for being people who I can easily have fun with and just talk about all of this without being judged.
To my friend, Hanna. The person who saved me. Mentioned on my other blog The Few Friends That I Have.. I wouldn't be here without her.
And for those who've been reading my emotional posts the past few weeks, thank you. I appreciate your encouragement.
I also wish that I could have picked up a different coping mechanism. Maybe you guys can help me find something new?
Background photo from Ilyasick Photo.
Banner created on Canva.
