There was a season in my life that so many experiences taught me hard lessons, and I learned for good. That season birthed a personal motto I live by today, not that I don't fail at it sometimes, but I am consciously making an effort to practice it most times. The motto is simply RESPOND, DON’T REACT.
I am such an emotional woman; I can really be happy and also don't hide my emotions when I am hurt. When I got married anew, my emotions worked against me badly that I almost messed up with my marriage. Men will always be men, and at times they do things so forward without considering someone's feelings. That was my husband back then, and in those days, once I was hurt by some of his actions, I would react with frustrated words, words that hurt, words that later I felt like retrieving back, but of course, it was very impossible.
There was one serious argument we had that later got escalated so quickly, and even after we settled the issue, the spoken words lingered longer than the problem itself, and my husband kept asking if I really told him such a word; he kept saying that he can forgive me but can't forget it. It was words that were attracted by frustration and not wisdom, but the deed was already done, and I regretted it badly.
During that period, I realized that response is quite intentional and is controlled by wisdom, while reaction is an immediate action that is controlled by our emotions, and so since that season of my life, I have strived to embrace the habit of responding instead of reacting. It only shows growth, maturity, and never weakness. It took me time to really think deeply about the best way to control my emotions and be at peace with my relationship with people, not only my husband.
The truth is that as long as we continue to socialize and do things together with people, they will do things that might hurt us, but our approach matters a lot. The way we react and respond are two different things, and it takes self-discipline to really respond wisely and not react. This motto has saved the day for me in different ways; while I parent my boys, I try not to use harsh and negative words on them out of frustration but control my emotions from overreacting.
The name-calling I experienced during my childhood days affected my self-esteem. My grandma used to react harshly over issues and carelessly use negative words on me, even though I nearly trod on the same path, but with my personal motto of responding and not reacting, I am escaping such a lifestyle gradually. I try to respond to them with corrections and discipline in some cases, and it even makes them confide in me. The moment I react by shouting, you see them running away.
So far, this code is making a positive impact on my parenting journey. Even in my relationships with friends, I have become so intentional with what I say or type as a response to a comment, especially when issues arise. I remember typing a long text to react to an action that doesn't sit well with me, but later I deleted it all. I realized that my peace is paramount. I waited days before responding, and sometimes I chose silence even. Some people in my family used to think that I am weak, while some think that I have nothing to say or am maybe not wise enough to tackle them, but I learned from my big brother as well that some issues require that you don't make noise at all but apply maturity.
Overall this motto has saved my marriage and my emotional health, assisted me greatly in my parenting journey and in my friendship too, and brought me peace of mind, which is a luxury, and yes, I will keep striving to live by it, and even when I fall sometimes, I will pick myself up and continue. I still react occasionally, but the difference is that I am so conscious now and intentional.
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