For most people it's much easier to see the negative in a situation than the positive.
I see this crop up with my fiancé and I quite often. It can be a look misinterpreted or a word taken the wrong way. In the moment, in my insecurity, I think she’s upset or not interested in what I’m saying. I take silence as boredom and distraction as my cue to stop talking. And I think my tendency to see things this way causes her to return the feeling…really I think we both started this way and have fed each other’s insecurities.
So what do we do about it?
Well on my side, I’ve decided in every area of life to make the shift to thinking positively about things. Not so long ago this sounded like wishful thinking, but I’ve since learned that what we think about and how we think about things creates our reality. That is to say, that you see what you’re looking for. If I’m always looking for confirmation of my for now built-in belief that I’m annoying and uninteresting, that’s what I’ll find.
If, however, I understand that she loves me and finds me passionate and ceaselessly interesting (part of the reason we’re together to begin with), I’ll notice the moments when her eyes light up and care much less when she doesn’t react to every little thing I say. After all, do I immediately react to everything I find interesting? Often I’ll think silently for a moment, and the last thing I want is for her to think I’m not listening.
Indeed, I believe it’s time to assume the best of her and of everyone else I interact with.
