We live in a world where success is everything. We all want to be the most beautiful, the most successful and the smartest. And even more - we want our children to be successful. From an early age, we invest in them - send them to private classes and classes, sign them in private schools - do everything so that they can succeed and realize their abilities.
But does not such success, or realization of cognitive potential, make us miss something important ?!
Studies show that high emotional intelligence (EQ) predicts success in life than high intellectual from intelligence (IQ).
I'm sure some of you are relaxing on the couch now and say, "That's it, you can stop investing in all studies and lessons." However, some of you are skeptical about studies ...
I don't want to completely cancel the importance of the mental side. I mean a balanced combination of all our systems will bring maximum success.
So what is emotional intelligence at all? - Emotional Intelligence consists of a number of factors:
Identifying emotions - The child must recognize a variety of feelings. We are talking about the six basic emotions (fear, anger, disgust, surprise, love, sadness and joy). As the child grows, he begins to recognize, identify more emotions and how to implement them. When he is able to identify his feelings, there is a high probability that he would succeed to respond out of control and greater emotional understanding and not out of habits that do not always lead to effective behavior.
Managing Emotions - Our ability to know how to regulate emotions and adapt them to situations. In other words, when we feel a high-intensity emotion that does not correspond to reality or is inappropriate for the situation, we need to know how to reduce the intensity of the emotion and to control its behavioral expression. This will help us not to enter a situation that is not effective for the future.
Understanding emotions in others (empathy) - To recognize the feelings of the other and to understand that the other can feel other feelings of our own. You can see that there are very young children who understand that a friend is sad and trying to console him, while their peers can continue to play next to a crying child, which does not bother them. Chances are that children who were empathic to friends will eventually develop better social relationships than other children.
Controlling behavior - Our behavior control following the combination of emotional understanding, intellectually and socially. In other words, a good ability to choose how to act, rather than react automatically.
This will help us deal with unpleasant situations and not with defense mechanisms (fight; flight; freeze).
As children recognize their emotional world, they can express their feelings in words and deeds are not adaptive. A child who knows his emotions will also be able to regulate them and manage them so that he will himself realize the potential with his friends at school and later at his workplace.
We now know that the vast majority of House Plans Library, pursuing educational success.
We see signs and publications of academic success in the marketing of schools.
However, we see far fewer signs and publications of emotional skills development programs, which are no less important part - and even more - the road to success in life.
But we will not only blame the schools - let's admit that we sin on the sin of "emotional neglect". Our busy schedule causes most of us to deal with this issue, but we try to reach solutions and less to turn to emotions.
If your child tells you he's being bullied at school - Which parent would ask him how he felt?
Most of us will jump on him with a bunch of solutions for the next time: go to the teacher, beat him, curse him back and more and more. It is important to help the child identify his feelings so that he can understand what caused his anger and behavior and thus help him to deal with similar situations in the future.
It will be possible to develop emotional intelligence in children and adults. The brain is like an orchestra. When one of the musicians fakes, the tune does not sound good.
Just like the brain works when one of the parts is not sufficiently developed - the social, motor, sensory, emotional - the child will not be able to realize his potential.
It is therefore important to let children experience the world not only through the computer screen but continue to play with the full orchestra and create social interactions in which the sensory system is more fully activated. The social games will stimulate the motor part, and of course, social interaction will open the emotional capacity.
Know the feelings - Sit down with your child and try to check what feelings he knows. Write down them, and ask him to tell you when he feels the same emotions that tell a short story about each emotion, share it with your feelings when you feel calm, loved and maybe angry.
Self-awareness - When I turn my attention to what happens inside me - to my physical changes, to my thoughts and feelings - I develop the ability to know myself and my feelings. What's more, I develop the ability to identify and understand the other; A capability that today, in the digital world, is less and less obvious.
The simplest technique to direct attention to me is to focus on breathing. Ask your child to sit for 3 minutes (and each time raise the sitting time) and pay attention to his breathing, thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations without judgment. Just pay attention. Of course, it is very important that when he tells about these thoughts, feelings, and feelings, you too will react without judgment.
Teach the child to recognize the different components of his feelings. Emotion consists of three parts: physiological responses (body sensations), behavioral reactions, and thoughts. When a child can know what he is feeling, when he feels a shudder in the body, he will be able to name the emotion and also contain it and control its behavior. When a child recognizes a thought, he knows what feeling he feels following the thought, and understands what made him feel that way.
Teach your child that emotion is a transient state - emotions and thoughts go by themselves. If we accept emotion as a wave that comes and goes, we can deal with it without the need to find an immediate behavioral outlet.
Talk feelings - we are all sinners in excess of solutions, SMS and icons, and too little emotional expression in words. Try to talk at home with emotions. Thus the child will be able to continue to behave outside. Over time, he will gain better control over his behavior, and better communication with others around him.
Convey a message that each emotion is adaptive - the role of emotions to explain to us what is happening in our inner and outer world. We all want our children not to be sad or angry and just happy, but it is important to understand that feeling is not "positive" or "negative." There are "pleasant" feelings and there are "unpleasant" feelings, but they are all positive because they all play an important role.
Let's think about fear. Many of my patients come to me because they do not want to be afraid. But fear is a mechanism of protection against dangers, and sometimes it is important to be afraid so that we know how to be careful. Of course, you have to know when to be afraid-only in the face of real danger. In other cases, fear does not help us and can also interfere with us.
The goal of the treatment is not to hide the fear (and not the anger, the sadness, and the jealousy), but to identify the unpleasant emotions, to manage them and to control our behavior even when they "come to visit."
Use only mild technology - it is necessary to help our children to balance and adjust all their systems. We must examine our kids are real social situations (not just Facebook), games and moving.
Unfortunately, the massive use of technologies that are available for children and youth, has an adverse effect on achieving these balances.
Ability to bear frustration / anger and disappointment - If we do not teach our children to carry feelings of frustration and anger, they will not be able to withstand them later in life. In many cases they will try to avoid these emotions and therefore will not challenge themselves; A challenge is one in which we risk failure and frustration.
If we want to manage our emotions and our lives we must learn to manage them and not let them manage us. So when our children ask us for something, we can wait a bit, we do not have to respond to everything, and not immediately. When our child comes with a story that angered him, it is possible to be empathic and at the same time help him deal with anger and carry with him.
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