Ah - I would love to write for this one. And I have a fuck ton to say as usual (prolly too much!)
But I'm gonna wrap something up now and move on to sticking around here and having more fun.
I've think I've opened this prompt around 5 times this weekend now... but the time just hasn't presented itself sadly :(
Bottom line is... I actually do have a terminal diagnosis and am basically dying. I mean... we all are... I'm just doing it a bit faster than most people.
And all I can share about this is...
And then I thought, "F*ck it! I may as well just write a post." because I'm gonna write a ridiculously long comment on the post for this week's Weekend Engagement concept anyway.
Also... I'm breaking my own boundary here because I just published another post that's been sitting in my drafts folder forever, where I clearly state I'm not going to do creative stuff this week because I want something cleared from my growing project list for good.
Today when I read 
How is that even possible?
I guess honest sharing can do that. It helps us to relate more easily, make connections faster and even encourages us to take a different direction at times.
This all happened pretty spontaneously, by the way. Me posting that and ending up here posting this.
But dying a bit faster than I would like to has really taught me how not to be afraid of much at all anymore.
And this makes spontaneity more common around here these days.
I have COPD, by the way.
You're maybe wondering by now.
My most recent x-rays (two weeks ago) show that (somehow - which seems kind of impossible but we will get to that later) my lungs have actually improved slightly. I reckon it's all that LSD I took back then. 😉
Not really.
I have, however, gotten into some pretty interesting meditation and it goes towards the mind/body link and even meta-physics...
which I know f*ckall about, but which seems to work somehow. Maybe.
Go figure.
Maybe I'll be around for longer than I expected not so long ago.
But I am very much more tired, very much more often these days. This could, however, be these last years of pretty intense ongoing stress and still no time to rest much.
No complaints. I rarely complain these days. There isn't much point and it wastes (again) precious time.
I'm up. I'm very positive and quite excited about the possibilities ahead.
And I'm far happier than I've ever been before.
Because, as you know, I'm "On the Road" at last. Yes it is Jack Kerouac's title. I meant to do that. Because this is the point.
Freedom has always been the point to me.
I used to say it was connection, but if you can't be free in that then what's the point of connection anyway?
I didn't even know myself well enough, until recently, to know that what I was always really searching for was freedom.
But that's another story...
So now you can probably also make sense of why someone would just stop doing what they were doing and start to really live. Although it wasn't only my decision and I probably wouldn't have found the gumption to do it if fate hadn't intervened as well.
Or other people, really.
So please don't panic. And please don't pity me and get all gooey. Or be terrified and run away because death is scary. I don't even know when it might happen. And I'm not going to find out more. I'm just going to live as hard as I can from now until then. 👍
Life is too f*ckin' short to waste on rubbish.
And perhaps now you'll have a clearer idea of why I keep trying to share this too. That time is our most valuable possession. And why we shouldn't waste it and "sweat the small stuff".
And when they say "Don't sweat the small stuff?"
It's pretty much all small stuff!
Really. 🙄
You can probably tell, by now, that I've chosen this particular question from 
Is there something worse than dying? What is it and why do you feel it is worse?
I won't write a hella long post because what I have to say isn't complicated and it doesn't really need much explanation.
But hell yeah!
I would rather die (and I can say this with some authority now) than not be free.
And by free I mean totally liberated.
I mean free of the shackles of all of it.
Because when you're faced with your own mortality it really puts things into perspective.
But there's more...
When you realise fully that you are going to die... you tend to start making the most of the time you have. And there's this incredible sweetness and clarity, while you're in it, that makes things so much more precious because you know it isn't going to last.
This makes the present rather spectacular at times.
This makes time with those you care about more intimate and focused. This makes it easy to say "not really, thanks" to the stuff that you don't need (or want) to do. Or at least to prioritize things in a far more conscious and honest way.
When you "sit" with death for long enough, and face your own mortality, it also forces you to lose your fear of it. That's what happens when you sit with anything that frightens you for long enough. It's how they treat people with phobias in fact.
So you do this with, arguably, mankind's biggest fear and hey presto. The same thing happens.
Do you know what happens when you're no longer afraid of dying?
Pretty much anything you want. 😉
I think most of us base most of our decisions on fear instead of taking some necessary risks to create the lives we really want to live. But if you're no longer afraid... there's not much reason to not do the things you always wanted to do.
You lose your fear of death and not much else seems scary anymore.
Really.
I've written about this concept before on Hive, but not about the physical death part so much because it does scare the sh!t outta people. Our brains are hardwired to avoid it so this makes sense.
The thing is... you know that weird psychological thing when you tell someone not to think about something and that's suddenly all they can't think about?
Yeah. People spend entire lifetimes stuck in lives they don't really want to live... all because they're subconsciously afraid they may die.
Physically, socially, psychologically. Whatever.
That's it.
That's all I really have to say and I probably could have just said those two lines:
"Hell yeah!"
"I would rather die than not be free."
I am dying.
And so are you.
But the fact that I'm forced to be aware of it daily has made me feel more alive and liberated than I've ever felt before.
Oh wait... there is one last thing.
The only thing worse than death would be living a whole life... without ever having really lived.
Can I change my answer?
Of course I can.
It's never too late to do anything!
I get to home school my son since COVID (and other life stuff) hit and I made this shift. The time with him is... well... priceless.
The featured image on this post is a photo of the poster he made for one of our life skills classes. I reckon they're some solid suggestions. 👍
Also... he has my sense of humour. (I wish)
Eternal Seeker
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee
