In just 43 days I head to trial. It’s been 190 days since the FBI Joint Terrorism Task force visited me just hours after I announced my plan to lead a nationwide protest of the ambush and assassination of my friend and brother, Robert “LaVoy” Finnicum; 174 days since I received anonymous messages threatening me with criminal charges if I did not stop speaking out; and 161 days since I was arrested on false charges. The trip has been an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. It has been trying on my family, friends and neighbors; many of whom have abandoned me because of either ideological differences or fear of the very real physical harm implied by my detractors. When I am unsure of which route to take, I reflect upon myself and often find that of all the subjects I've studied, Bushido provides the most answers.
YU (Heroic Courage)
“Hiding like a turtle in a shell is not living at all. A true warrior must have heroic courage. It is absolutely risky. It is living life completely, fully and wonderfully.”
Having spent 20+ of my 33 years practicing and training in several traditional styles of martial arts has had a profound effect on the way I rationalize and deal with events in my life. People have known me as a hard, blunt man who seemingly takes nothing seriously and somehow manages to fuck up almost any situation that would have previously posed a benefit. As many observe, I live “balls to the wall” and rarely seem to think about the profound consequences of my actions. It is generally regarded as unintelligent to “mess” with Uncle Sam, as my father has put it. In reality, I am well aware of the consequences and am constantly reminded of them every time the presence of men with overly bulky kevlar and long guns is made known.
MEIYO (Honor)
"Warriors have only one judge of honor and character, and this is themselves. Decisions they make and how these decisions are carried out is a reflection of whom they truly are.”
I have been often told that I am committing legal suicide by refusing the plea offers given to me. I am well aware of the consequences, as the government saw fit to remind me by adding an additional felony charge just 5 days before the original trial date. The assigned prosecutor has stated that this is not personal but he must push the felonies aggressively as his “superiors” have demanded felonies against me. What this statement confirms to me, is what I already knew; that the federal government is deeply embarrassed and seeks to discredit and ultimately, disarm me. In the end, I have to remain true to myself and stand my ground because I must remain true to myself. If I were to give in, it would demoralize and dishonor my Patriot Political Prisoner brothers and sisters still in bondage. I must fight even if the fight cannot be won.
Right now my focus is internal. I must choose whether to continue to fight or to fall on my sword in the hope that it will save others around me from hardship and physical harm. In just a few weeks, this will come to fruition.
To everyone I have met along the way: It's obvious that I have changed a lot in the last 18 months. Laugher and positivity does not come easy to me. The biggest apology is owed to my family who bears the brunt of this burden. So to everyone, I'm sorry. Thank you and goodbye. I am truly blessed for having met you.