Years back when I was a kid/teen, I had believed that the ultimate way to succeed was to follow what the grown ups were saying. In my case, this went to more extreme highs, my opinions didn't matter. I learned how to put a mask on my face and play a persona. I was saying to myself things such as 'keep quite, keep your head down. Do not stand out or else you will suffer'. This went so deep that I stopped paying attention and this went into my subconscious. Never I had imagined that I will have freedom to be myself, even forgot who I even am supposed to be.
Now this is not about how hard I have had or anything like that, it's more of a demonstration of my personal experiences, to paint a picture. In the past few years I have thought much about what do I want to do and who I want to be. Now I don't have a specific answer of X or Y but what I do know, I want to be someone who keeps going forward, I want to be someone who is able to say 'No' and put myself first, when it's necessary to do so.
From my experience, following what others say, just because they said so, is futile. Specifically, let's say, I have been more interested in investing and growing financially. If I was to follow the advice of my parents and family, at best I would might have a car to drive and some clothes and potentially something else. I disagree with life like that, enough of being purely a consumer, I want to create, I want to express myself. Nobody gives two cents about my opinions anyways, so might as well care about them myself. It's not kindness when you put others to the detriment of yourself (there's a time and place for that). I am a believer of sustainable assistance, if I want to help someone out, might as well make it sustainable.
A deep desire within me has to break out from the norm and create proof that I am and that I exist. To me, following the "norm" has felt much like a cage and that cage didn't feel like one for rather long time. Starting these blog posts, has definitely been a big part of this. It doesn't necessarily matter whether someone reads these or not, the whole process of writing and posting, is something worth more than anything. At first it's scary but later it starts becoming easier and more enjoyable. Purpose or not, I don't know, what I do know, is that I am creating and working towards creating value. You can decide for yourself what the word 'Value' means to you.
Appreciate you reading this piece. If you would like to interact with me live, you can do so on Twitch - or Kick - https://kick.com/heatsink77
