This post is a form of ranting/speaking to people kind of post. People under-appreciate people a lot. I’m not saying someone is entitled to appreciation or one should be bowing down to you when you do something. All I’m saying is that if someone does something for you, it’s nice to appreciate the person. Appreciating the person is not just by saying “thanks”, it is also by recognizing that such a person did something for you and not trying to add more or expect more from the person like you are entitled or like it’s the person’s responsibility to help you. The person can as well not help you, he/she is not going to die.
Now let me give an example and yes, it is a personal example. So recently (since late last year), I have been helping my friends to apply for a training we are required to do, myself included. I’m doing this because I stay in Abuja and the whole run around is in Abuja. Now, I help them run around, doing mine also, with my work and all. I don’t complain. What gets me angry is the fact that when you ask them to do little things that is also necessary for the application of this training, they somehow shy away from it. They leave it for me like it’s my responsibility and none of theirs. If I ask them to make a call to so so and so, they just leave it for me and expect me to do it. If I say everyone should write a letter to our school to help us with all that we want, they leave it for me. There was a time I told them to write a letter, instead one of them said I should write it, they will just copy and paste it. It wasn’t funny to me, although she used a laughing smiley. So to be the good girl that I am, I said, It’s fine, I’ll write it but please don’t copy it verbatim, try paraphrasing some of the words. Well, you guessed it, she copied exactly the same thing I wrote. The only thing she changed was my name. I just felt bad because it tells the recipient of the email that we are so not serious plus I asked her not to but she still did.
Another thing is I only get “thank you” sometimes, I guess when they remember. Also, no one asks me for updates and I don’t think that’s right. Ask for updates! I’m not the only one I’m doing the thing for! Sometimes, I make sacrifices, I spend my money, I take excuses from work like no man’s business, I use my credit to make calls. Yes, I ask them for money like transport to the place and the fees we are to pay for application, and they pay. I don’t ask them for money for little things like photocopy, buying envelopes and the likes, I feel they are small bills and it seems somehow telling someone to transfer 50naira to you for photocopy, so I just ignore it. We are a total of 5, myself included. So recently, I told them what else they would pay for like little fees and all and for one of them, it all amounted to 4200. She then told me let her send 4000naira. I felt so angry, like, who would pay the extra 200 naira you removed? I don’t even add anything extra, I tell them how it is and yet you want to remove 200naira, so I can pay for it? Am I rich? My dad doesn’t work with Central Bank of Nigeria. Because I manage myself well doesn’t mean I have money to throw away. What of the little expenses, the letters I write on your behalf and so on, don’t you know I pay for that but I refused to add them? Maybe it would have been better if I told her 5200naira and then if she reduces it to 5000naira, I wouldn’t even be angry at all because there’s still a gain of 800naira. I didn’t say all these I, because one thing with humans is that they can now turn your outburst into something and all of a sudden, you are wicked. I just told her, it’s 4200. She said OK.
Today on the group page (we have a whatsapp group page), they were asking how they will pay the school fees (we finally got into the training program), because there was no account number in the mail sent to us. Everyone was like, ask Nakas, ask Nakas. For goodness sake, I don’t work with the training people. I also don’t know how! I even asked one of them to call her guy in the place to ask a few days ago but she never did. Is she waiting for me to call him (because I know him too)? I just felt so mad. Anytime there is a question, ask Nakas, ask Nakas.
I’m a human being and it’s annoying and frustrating and it makes me feel so much under-appreciated. It even makes me wonder if they will give as much as I have given if they were in my shoes. If I talk to them, I’m sure they won’t understand and they might probably be like “is it because…”. I’m not asking them to lick my foot or praise me, what I’m asking is, if I say someone should call someone for something, please call. If I say send an email, please send. If I give you the total fees, please don’t reduce it, I’ve spent and sacrificed more that you know. Is all these too much to ask for??
Yesterday, I went to the ministry of education to sort out something for us and the way one other girl was pushing me to just go was so annoying. I told her I was at work, she was like, I can go there and be back in one hour, blah blah. I told her till Monday. Later, I just told myself let me just go and try. I went, did what I was sent to do, got insulted on top and came back and reported to her. So she said I had to tell a Dr. in my school. Calls are expensive from Nigeria to Ghana. I made the calls, my credit got finished. Called her to know if she would call the man since my credit got finished but she said I should do whatsapp call instead. In all these, I had spent 2000naira I did not budget for. No one told me, how do we share the bill or asked if I was stressed, all they needed was the information I got. I cried yesterday because of all the insults I got from the ministry. I just felt so bad.
What is it I’m trying to pass here in all of my epistles. Try and be considerate. Try to understand what it is someone might be passing through to help you. It’s not their responsibility, they are only doing you a favor. Sometimes, you can ask how they are, instead of just contacting them for info. If they give you a price list, don’t cut it especially when you sense the person is a sincere person. All these made me feel like adding more money to anything I say and even start giving clap backs at every insensitive thing any of them does but it doesn’t make sense. They would be controlling me and I would be losing mysellf in the process. I can’t stop being kind or helpful because of that, it’s who I am and I refuse to give someone such power over me, that would be them winning. Don’t lose who you are because of people’s attitude towards you. Instead continue to be who you are.
