Since the last 2 nights back-to-back I have been having sleepless nights. It's kind of giving me lot of discomfort during the day time. For me my 7 hours of sleep is very important and when I do not get that my days go very bizarre. It just happens that when I go to bed, there are all sorts of thoughts coming to my mind. They are not bad thoughts but they are thoughts about my future planning and all those calculations keep going on in my mind. Due to lack of sleep the night before, yesterday afternoon I dozed off as my head got heavy, and then this is one another problem. If I get a good afternoon nap then my night sleep goes for a complete toss, and that's what exactly happened last night. Today morning I slept till late then to finish my sleep quota else it would be the same story again tonight.
The days these disturbances happen in my sleep patterns I see that my following day I am in a very different state of mind. I do not like to talk much with anyone, I cannot concentrate on my daily affairs and head keeps feeling heavy. It just makes me understand how much a peaceful sleep at night is important. Probably my anxiety level is high suddenly thinking too much about the future. While life is going well and there are no hassles as such but there are certain things in background which keeps disturbing me and those thoughts keep hovering on my mind. My Son's court case, my plans to shift back to India, my future goals.
Staying here in Muscat, life has been good in many ways but I sometimes feel that at the same time life has kind of halted for me. I am not able to proceed with what I actually want to do in life. I want to work on my Children center back in India, right now I am all dependent on other people doing things for me. It's feeling frustrating and I keep thinking to myself, how long? I want to start my wellness place and for all of these things to do I have to be there. At the same time, I also need financial stability so it's not easy for me and hubby to move back unless we achieve our financial goals.
It feels like a big test of life. Life is giving me lot of pleasures but I am not feeling like I am really living my life. My close friends with who I discuss these things, they tell me, why do I need to worry, I need to enjoy. For me this is not life, there is no depth in it. It just feels like a golden cage sometimes where I am trapped and I want to spread my wings and fly out. I want to be involved in many causes of life where I can make a difference for other people.
I am sure this is how exactly my brain will be when I am sleep deprived.
Source
When I felt that I was almost prepared to move back to India, at that time we faced a major financial loss and I had to revisit my timelines and extend them here. I feel that God has some other plans for me, though at this point of time I am not enjoying his plans and nor am I feeling certain about future holds. But then I need to also have some faith and trust in the Universe that things are meant to happen in a certain manner and at a certain time so I need to hold patience for that.
Actually, this is what happens when my sleep routines get disturbed. All these problems of the mind surface up.
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