Why forgiveness is one of the most important parts of your relationship. ... When you're feeling disappointed, angry or betrayed, the idea of forgiving someone can feel a little bit like giving in – as if, by letting go of your resentment, you're allowing them to 'get away with it'.
What is Forgiveness?
The action of forgiving or the Readiness to forgive.
Forgiving your partner if they’ve done something to upset you can be one of the hardest things to do in a relationship.
When you’re feeling disappointed, angry or betrayed, the idea of forgiving someone can feel a little bit like giving in – as if, by letting go of your resentment, you’re allowing them to ‘get away with it’.
It can be more tempting to hang onto negative emotions – acting distant and frosty as a way of punishing the person who has upset you. It’s not unusual to feel this way. Working through these kinds of difficult feelings can take some time. But forgiveness is a bold step in the right direction. It involves you being able to make a deliberate decision to put your partner’s transgressions – or perceived transgressions - behind you, so you can both move forward together.
Why forgive?
We're sure you’ve heard cliches such as ‘not harbouring a grudge’ or ‘being the bigger person’. Well, in theory, it might all seem straightforward, but, as we all know, forgiveness can be tricky.
It involves you allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Forgiving someone means letting go of your anger and letting go of the ‘moral high ground’. It can also be difficult as it may involve having to consider how you yourself contributed to the problem. Although it’s tempting to imagine ourselves as completely in the right when it comes to disagreements, there are usually two sides to any argument.
There’s a famous quote that goes: ‘Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.’ Forgiveness isn’t just about retaining harmony in your relationship; it’s also about being kind to yourself. If you’re not careful, anger can eat away at you and even affect your attitude towards relationships in the future, making you feel more defensive or untrusting.
Communicating clearly
The first step towards forgiveness is understanding. If your partner has done something to upset you, talk about it. Try to communicate to them in a clear, non-confrontational way about how you’re feeling. Explain what it is that upset you and why it upset you in the way that it did.
During the conversation, you find it useful to use ‘I’ phrases (‘I feel’, ‘I would like’) rather than ‘you’ phrases (‘you always’, ‘you don’t’). This way, you’re taking responsibility for your own feelings and your partner won’t feel like you’re attacking them. And when it’s your partner’s turn to talk, listen to what they have to say and try to understand their perspective too.
Mending lost trust can take some time. That’s perfectly normal. You can’t necessarily expect forgiveness to occur immediately. The important thing is that you take the first steps towards understanding and appreciating how each other feels.
Building forgiveness into your relationship
Forgiveness is a skill. Try to learn to build it into your relationship on a day to day basis. By learning to let go of the little things, you'll be able to avoid the kinds of petty conflicts that, over time, can begin to erode away at a relationship.
That doesn't mean simply letting your partner walk all over you. It can, in many cases, mean letting them know that they've upset you, but not dwelling on the issue for long. But it does mean, when appropriate, deciding to not make mountains out of molehills. Every relationship requires a bit of give and take. Learning to forgive can make that whole process a lot easier.
Forgiveness an important part of all relationships. ... Learning to forgive and asking for forgiveness helps keep relationships healthy by allowing them to heal and grow. Forgiveness is a process to help people release pain and anger, and feel stronger and less vulnerable to others.
Someone asked me a question once, He said as I quote "Can I be forgiven for cheating on my spouse"?
I answered thus "When someone cheats on you, your mind and emotions scream at you to hate, punish and never forgive. It's hard to let go of those feelings. Nonetheless, forgiving someone for cheating will actually benefit the faithful person more than the cheater. ... Forgiveness is the antidote and the only way to move on."
So my answer was "Yes" it is possible for you to be forgiven even after several mistakes or drama in your relationship.
Is It Important To Forgive??
Forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger it harms us far more than it harms the offender. Forgiveness frees us to live in the present. ... Forgiveness allows us to move on without anger or contempt or seeking revenge.
Note: before going to your spouse for forgiveness you have to let go of the past or else it will hunt you down.
Some ways to Forgive yourself and let go of your past:
Have you ever noticed how you can hold on to past mistakes long after they occurred? Some of us hold on to things for years!
Forgiveness is a process. It does not happen over night and the process will be different for everyone. But no matter how long it takes, there's hope! Here are some steps you can take toward that journey:
- Become clear on your morals and values as they are right now.
The reason most of us feel guilt or shame for actions done in the past is because those actions are not in line with our current morals and values. Our past wrongs can actually clue us in to what we hold important. By identifying our morals and values, we start to get a clearer picture as to “why” we're hurting over what we've done, or what others did to us.
- Realize that the past is the past.
This seems fairly straightforward, but when we can really wrap our head around the fact that we can’t undo the past, the past is done, those things happened, we open ourselves up to more acceptance. Increased acceptance can lead to the emotional healing we are all looking for.
- Create a “re-do.”
Never underestimate the power of a “re-do”. Write down how you would have done things differently if you could go back and do it again. In doing so, we affirm that we not only learned from our past mistake, but that if we had the skills we have now, back then, we would have done things differently.
- Realize you did the best you could at the time.
The way we respond depends on the skills we have, the frame of mind we’re in, and how we perceive the situation at that moment. Maybe we didn’t have as much objectivity, or acted out of survival or protection mode. Maybe we'd let stress build up, which put us at a higher risk of responding poorly. Whatever the factors, cut yourself a break. If you learn from it, it was never in vain.
- Start acting in accordance with your morals and values.
The best thing you can do for yourself in order to forgive is start replacing the negative behavior and thoughts with more appropriate ones that are congruous with your morals and values. By so doing, you reaffirm to yourself that you can handle situations in the way you want to. This can lead to a sense of pride, which is a huge part of building self-esteem.
- Move toward self-love.
The last step in building self-esteem is moving toward loving yourself. Think kind thoughts toward yourself and show yourself some compassion. If we can learn to think of ourselves as our best friend, to speak to ourselves with love and kindness, and put ourselves as a priority, it reaffirms that we believe we are worth it. Engage in psychotherapy or coaching if you need some outside perspective in this area. Seek books on this subject. Surround yourself with supportive people.
You are more than your past mistakes, and I promise you, you are so worth it!!
How to Forgive a Partner Who Hurt You:
- Write it out. Jot down what happened and how it made you feel. ...
- Find peace within yourself. ...
- Take inventory. ...
- Be empathetic. ...
- Have gratitude. ...
- Change the story. ...
- Be kind to yourself.
- Be open and receptive to forgiveness.
- Make a conscious decision to forgive your spouse.
- When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.
- Do not throw an error or mistake back in your spouse's face at a later date. Also, do not use it as ammunition in an argument.
- Do not seek revenge or retribution. Trying to get even will only extend the pain. Chances are this won't really make you feel better anyway.
Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression, behavior or mistake. - Move On to the Next Act. ...
- Reconnect to Spirit. ...
- Don't Go to Sleep Angry. ...
- Switch the Focus from Blaming Others to Understanding Yourself. ...
- Avoid Telling People What to Do. ...
- Never share your relationship happenings with a third party.
- Avoid postings on Social media's
- Before you forgive make sure it's from your heart to heal fresh wounds.
Forgiveness is essential even outside our relationship, when we are been offended we have to forgive because "To err is human but to Forgive is divine"....
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