The end of next month it will be one year since my youngest son, Adrian, dies. It seems like it was only yesterday that the police came knocking on my front door to inform me that my son was dead, I'll never forget that day. He was only 17yrs old, just getting started in life with a bright future. He was very intelligent and funny.
To say that life isn't the same since that day is the understatement of the millennium... I cry myself to sleep every night, I pray to God every night that he grant me eternal sleep so that I can be with my son, but so far that prayer hasn't been answered. My baby boy was the only reason I kept fighting my own personal demons.... he was the only reason I'd get out of bed in the mornings..... now that he's gone I'm pretty much in auto pilot, nothing matters, the days just blend into each other. I sleep with his favorite stuffed animal, a Koala bear I bought him when he was just a couple of weeks old, I also wear his watch and a necklace he use to wear that has his Grand Teton Boys Scouts emblem and a silver Quarter. I keep his favorite Deadpool tank top in my closet...... Going through all his things in his room was the hardest thing I've every had to do... having to decide what to keep, what to donate, what to let his friends take as memorabilia of him and what to give go his father was painful beyond description. His room is now the spare room, and what's left of his things are in boxes at the back of the closet. There are times when I'll sit on his bed and I can almost feel his presence, there have been mornings when I could swear I heard him asking me for a ride to school cause he was running late, then I open my eyes and he's not there and the tears start all over again.
Life keeps going and forces us to move forward wether we want to or not. For me it's a daily struggle to keep going... my music does help a bit. They say that music heals the soul..... I hope that in time it works on me.
Music&Memories. Keeping your memories alive.
Music, the best drug there is for the soul.
