I never talk about being First Nations. In part, it's because of guilt and shame, but mostly it's because I don't know much about my culture.
Because of the residential school system, most of my aunts and uncles grew up being abused psychically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Some were kidnapped in the 60's scoop. Some died.
God my grandmother is a strong woman.
I don't speak my language or participate in ceremonies and traditions. And when I try, I feel guilty or ashamed like I'm doing something wrong. I know I'm not, but that's just how I feel.
Colonialism.
2018 is the year I promised myself I'd start learning more about who I am, where I come from. Because I am First Nations and I deserve to know. I'm an adult, there's nothing stopping me but me.
I can't control what happened to the past of my people. I can't control what happened to me growing up. But what I can control is my own growth in all areas. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
