I'm thinking about going to a one day pow-wow out of town this weekend.
Most often times I feel shame or guilt like I'm doing something wrong. So, I don't go and I make up an excuse as to why I can't. And if I do go I find myself being judgemental. Staring at all these people around me, looking weird, acting weird, talking weird. Just weird.
Once I heard my Grandmother speaking that weird language when I was young. I would ask her what she was saying and she would look at me and in a shushing motion and say, "It's our secret language, sorry I can't tell you". And she never did.
I was raised to hate the color of my skin. Raised to think there was something wrong with me. Raised to believe I was a savage and in part I was. But not because of my genetics, but because of how I was treated. I was just a dirty fucken Indian.
I want to go to the pow-wow. I want to learn how to embrace my culture. I want to be a part of. I need to be a part of.
Spiritually I'm dead, maybe learning my culture will fill that six-foot hole. Or maybe it won't....no it won't, not if I keep holding on to that shame and guilt. I need to embrace who I am. Who am I?
I'm Tina/ George
I'm two-spirit. I have two souls. One woman. One man.
I'm First Nations.
I am learning it's ok to be all these too