Do I need to wake up?

"What is morning if there is no sunshine. Why we need to sleep during evening if it's hard to differentiate whether it's morning or night. What's the reason of waking up when I open my eyes the surrounding still dark.

~mrnightmare89

Being in quarantine far from your home. Can't go outside, can't see your family and trembling of fear because of virus. It's hard especially when you think that what if there's something will happen while not seeing my family and my love one.

It's almost a month when the quarantine implemented. I was desperate to go home but not allowed. I was desperate to leave this place and spend time with my family as this quarantine implementation. It's hard when the number of days that had passed grew higher.

Spending time alone most of the time. Waking up with not too much people you can see. Spending time all by yourself while waiting to be sleepy is making me insane.

I became emotional when my sister sent me a message if I'm fine here. Of course I replied her "yes". I don't want them to feel worried while I'm in a place prone from the virus. She asked me about the food. Then again telling her that I'm fine. I don't have much here to be so sure that my money will last for long. But they didn't have much as well that I should ask them for an assistance. I just lied so that they will focus on taking care of themselves to stay healthy and safety.

I replied them with a happy emoji. I did that to hide my true facial expressions that I'm crying as of now. I'm getting afraid and getting nervous all of sudden. I wish to spill it out but I don't want to hear people saying I'm just being dramatic.

I'm getting afraid because I'm broken emotionally. There were times I wanted to ask them what's happening to me. I wanted to ask tnem if I look fine. There were so many questions I wanted to ask just to satisfy my ego without waiting for a correct answer.

I know I'm a coward person. I'm afraid that what if I'll leave them without saying goodbye. What if I'll be gone without seeing them for the last time. That questions always comes into my mind and that's the reason I became anxious these days.

I know I'm already old enough. It's not fit to say things like these.But what can I do, the more I suppress it the more it's hurting me inside.

I'm sorry about that by the way. It's just this quarantine life making me insane. I just hope this will end and be back to normal.

thanks for reading