"Sorry, Mom."
I didn't notice my tears falling seeing the face of my mother in pain. She never stops crying seeing me inside the prison.
"Mom, please leave for now."
I'm suppressing myself from being too emotional or else I'll sob. It hurts to see my mother shedding tears despite the love she's giving me and I betrayed her by throwing away my life.
"Don't worry son, I'll make sure to let you out there."
More words, she'll say I can't control myself anymore, and to avoid that I shouted.
"MOM!!"
She stopped saying something.
"That's enough already. Let me fix this, you've done too much for me. I created this mess and it should be me to solve it."
I said painful words to my mother but even I couldn't understand how I ended up like this. I was a loving son and kind that my parents used to say. I was always worried when my mother cried because there was no food to serve at the table. I helped my parents to do house chores and sometimes helped my mother walk around to sell food. My mother used to sell sticky rice during the morning and people thought it was delicious. That's why she kept selling to help my Father in earning money to survive in this world of poverty.
It was the month of December in the year 2012. My Mother decided to go abroad as a domestic helper or a housemaid in a different country. The rainy season started at that time but it didn't compare to the tears that flooded our hearts. My Father, Mother, and I kept crying because Mom would leave. She signed a contract for 5 years there.
My father was against it since it was too long for my mother to return. I kept crying while holding her clothes so as not to leave. I even kneeled and cried just to think that I would change her decision of not leaving.
"Son?"
She came to me when I was kneeling.
Please listen to mommy, okay?"
I thought she finally changed her mind but she explained herself instead why she needed to leave.
"Son, you know how much father worked so hard just to make sure we had food. You're a smart child and I know you can tell that it's enough. You're going to high school and if I don't go, how can I fulfill your dream to be a seaman someday?"
She forced herself to smile even though tears with sadness were drawn into her face. I was not that young not to understand how determined my mother was to make my dream come true in life. In return for her explanation even though I refused to understand her and let her go. I didn't say anything and just let my tears keep on falling.
"I love you, son, please take care of yourself and your father."
That was her goodbye and finally, my mother who was beside me most of the time was nowhere to find. No matter how I wiped my tears in crying to have a brighter sight I couldn't see her anymore. I ran towards the street hoping to see her one last time and to reply to her that I love her so much as well. She was gone, my shouting of her name didn't reach her because the heavy rain started falling.
After a week of shutting down because of the pain, she called us through the help of our neighbor who owned a telephone. She said she was fine but I wanted to talk to her more. It was not possible, she needed to do some work and add more. Our neighbor kept frowning to hurry up the call to end it.
After a month she sent us money and told us to buy a phone so it would be easier for us to call each other. We started talking because we missed her so much and we were thankful for the money she sent. Both of us cried because we were desperate to see each other, especially that another Christmas was coming. It felt very lonely to celebrate Christmas when it's only Father and me. The video couldn't help us to relieve the feeling of longing for her.
Another year has passed again and the longing feeling I had for my mother was gone. Perhaps I was tired of being like that and just diverted the sad feeling of meeting my friends. Thanks to my mother I had a large amount of money in my pocket to do what I wanted to do. I sobbed myself from the alcohol and even the addiction to drugs. I completely lost myself. I started avoiding talking to my mother and lacking the respect of my father. I also blamed him for why his mother needed to leave if he had just a better job. Perhaps my father understood it because he didn't scold me much like my mother.
I started throwing myself from the right path. I was cutting classes and forgot my dream anymore to be a seaman. I dreamed of that job anyway to make sure I could lift my parents out of poverty. I forgot all my dreams, I didn't care that I failed to pass many subjects. I didn't notice that the time of graduation was coming and my mother was returning. I didn't know what kind of magic that my father did for me to attend the graduation ceremony. I thought I failed but I was holding a certificate of completion after the ceremony.
After the ceremony, I hung out with my friends to have a good time. We went to a house to drink alcohol as a celebration of our graduation. We drank and drank until the world started spinning from too much drunkenness.
"Where am I?"
I had no idea where I was when I woke up. The last thing I remembered was in the house of my friend drinking and dancing.
"Why are we in prison?"
One of my friends said after regaining consciousness.
I was wondering how it happened but one of my friends again said that there was a raid. He witnessed it since he was a good drinker compared to most of us.
"But why? What did we do?"
Shaking words from my friends because of being afraid of what to do.
When I looked around to see the surroundings I saw my mother looking at me crying. It hit my chest so hard from sadness. I didn't notice my tears were falling because after what she did to me this was what she'd see, his son was inside the cell.
"Sorry, Mom"
I muttered and felt disappointed in myself in such a place. The memories I had with my mother when I was young kept coming back and offered me loneliness. I was pretentious to myself that I forgot about the longing feeling towards her. I wanted to hurt myself by letting my mother show such a pitiful face at this time.
My mother never stopped crying while telling me that it would be alright. She kept convincing me that I wouldn't stay for long.
"I was pathetic," I thought of myself.
"Mom, please leave now, let me handle this."
An officer came by all of a sudden and opened the door of the cell.
"Those students from last night, you can go out now. It has been decided that you're not involved in drug trafficking."
When I heard what the officer said I rushed running towards my mother.
"Mom----" I kept crying.
"I missed you so much and I'm so sorry."
Nothing came to my mind but asking forgiveness from my mother and crying. I hugged her tightly like it was the last day of my life. Finally, I felt the warmth to ease the coldness in my heart from the previous years.
"It's alright now, Son."
Like me, mother sheds tears as well but we decided to go home. I told her everything about how I became a bad son. She forgave me and she understood. I was so happy to finally see my mother again in person. I kept my tears from falling but this time I was smiling. Also, nothing could make me happier when she said she'd never leave us anymore. She's like us from my father that was dying from the loneliness of being far from us. She saved a little money for us to start a small business and hopefully it would work out.
END...
mrnightmare
