I was at the gas station yesterday and when I took out my phone to pay - it died. No panic - luckily I still take my bank pass with me. Here in The Netherlands - almost everywhere has contactless payments, so it is possible to only use the phone. We are almost cashless - the phone is becoming more and more important. As soon as I returned to my car - I placed the phone on the charger. I did not hesitate because phones are an important means of communication and connection. It is probably one of the most important gadgets in this era.
English red telephone box
A long time ago, I made the decision to turn off notifications. I do not want to be constantly pinged. I love having a smartphone but I love staying away from it as well. For important apps regarding work related matters, I am disciplined enough to check those frequently. I check social media apps when I feel like it. If a message comes from a good friend and they deem it urgent, those persons will call me if I do not respond to their message. I might have missed out on a lot of social media “benefits”, however I have to decide what is priority. I feel apps and pinging create a new level of busyness and stress, which I am doing my best to avoid.
However, there is some leeway as I will describe below.
When dining with my immediate family. Before having children, I was dining out and watched a family with 2 young children take their places and immediately take out their phones and tablets. There was no conversation until the meal arrived. I decided there and then that that would not be my future family. Now that my children are teenagers, the rule is still respected. There has to be a solid reason for needing to look at the phone whilst dining together - at home or in a restaurant. Most often the consensus is that it isn’t urgent - it can wait.
When we have movie nights. We select a movie and my immediate family and I, watch it together. Movie nights is just one example of quality family time. Phones are not allowed during these "times" and the person who picks up the phone has to get drinks, snacks for everyone else etc.😀
When dining with friends. Phones remain in our bags or it is politely explained that a call is expected etc. As much as possible, we try to stay away from our phones for the duration of our appointment. It is not polite to stay on a call, either at the table or elsewhere in the vicinity, whilst leaving the other person waiting.
When at events with loved ones (family or friends). This could be a party, dinner, drink, funeral etc. It is so tempting to pick up the phone - that even at social gatherings, one could mindlessly swipe through various apps. Swiping has become "the silence filler".
I could never be so bored that I would deign to pick up my phone, when I am a guest. I consider any gathering with loved ones important. Even when taking photos, there are appropriate moments. The right time will be apparent - otherwise the phone should be kept away.
Accepting an invitation means that one’s presence (time and attention) is required. As a result, one should remain present. Otherwise, it is better to not attend the get-together or event. Social occasions are usually important for the host/hostess, therefore if one cannot be fully engaged, then it is best not to be there or bid excuses and leave early.
If everyone felt that it's in their right, in this digital age, to use or frequently check their phones and ignore /snub others at social gatherings - this will affect relationships in the long run. It is simply bad behaviour. That burst of dopamine obtained whilst swiping or checking social media/apps is not needed - if so it may be an addiction.
To pick up the phone the moment one is not occupied or feeling bored is a bad habit. It is antisocial behaviour to be a guest but seek distraction via a gadget. What could be considered and always works is if others are asked to put themselves in the position of the host/hostess. If one considers that scenario - typically the realisation of how offensive or impolite using one’s phone is - will become apparent.
If I am tempted to check my messages, I go to the “ladies room”. Sometimes checking only takes one minute - why would I need to go away? Well perception is everything and that one minute might be misconstrued for a longer period.
screen shot
The reality is that the majority of us, addicted to swiping or not, need our phones most of the time, as so much of our lives is now driven by apps. However, there's a time and a place for everything and since relationships are important to me - antisocial behaviour like using a phone in social settings - is something I endeavour to avoid.
This is in response to Hive Learners - No Phone For Me
All photos are my own
