I honestly don't even know some of my uncles and aunties, Yes, they are my relatives, I know they exist, I have probably heard their names several times, but if you put me in a room with some of them and told me to identify who is who, hmmm... I might just embarrass myself.
There are some of them that I know though, but even with the ones I know, our relationship has mostly been the usual "Good afternoon sir," "Good evening ma," and that's it, Maybe I see them somewhere, greet them and continue with my life.
Before now, there was honestly no real communication between us, no calls, no messages, nothing, It was not that there was a problem between us or that anybody had quarrelled with anybody, we just didn't have that kind of relationship.
Growing up, it was mostly my mother's brothers and sisters that I knew. I knew them, I visited some of them and I had some form of relationship with them, My mother's side felt more familiar to me.
My father's side is a completely different story, there were people I knew were my father's relatives, but I was not close to them at all, some of them, I do not even think I have ever had a proper conversation with them at all....
And when you think about it, it is actually funny how family can be so big but you can still feel like a stranger to some people in it, you share the same blood, you have the same family name somewhere in the story, but you don't know anything, about each others lives.
I think communication plays a very big role in this.
These days, I have started making more effort to communicate with some of my uncles and aunties, nothing dramatic ooo.
Sometimes I just greet them on WhatsApp.
"Good morning sir."
"Good afternoon ma."
Sometimes I call too, It may look like something very small, but I think those little things matter, at least now, there is some form of connection where there wasn't any before.
And honestly, I don't want my children to grow up not knowing their extended family, I know that as children grow older, everybody gets busy, people move to different cities, people get married, everybody starts having their own responsibilities and before you know it, years have passed without anybody checking on anybody.
But I think family relationships need some effort too, you cannot just say, "We are family," and expect the relationship to automatically exist.
Family is not just about sharing blood, It is also about knowing the person well,and checking on them, also remembering their birthday, calling them once in a while, visiting too when you can and being there when something important happens.
I also understand that not every extended family relationship is healthy, sometimes people deliberately just distance themselves from relatives because of their past experiences, conflicts or some other reasons, and I don't think anybody should be forced to maintain a relationship that is harmful to them.
But when there is no serious problem and the only thing separating everyone is lack of communication, then I think it is worth making an effort.
I would like my children to know their uncles and aunties, i want them to know that they have people outside their immediate home who they can always call family, I don't want them to grow up hearing, That's your uncle, and their response is, Which uncle?
I think relationships don't just happen because we are related, they are built, and sometimes, all it takes is one person to start.
Maybe one WhatsApp message,
Maybe one phone call,
Maybe just a simple, ... "Hello ma, how are you doing?" See, It may not suddenly turn everybody into one big happy family, but at least it opens the door, and sometimes, that is all a relationship needs.
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