I think many people are familiar with the expression,
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
A friend recently remarked, “I made lemonade but it tasted so sour - I couldn’t drink it.”
We both laughed and it lightened her mood a bit. Making the most/best of a difficult situation is often easier said than done. I agreed but tried to be encouraging.
My friend complimented me for always trying to be positive. I told her that it is not because life does not give me lemons as well.
She said, “… but you are good at making nice lemonade.” Haha
All kidding aside - we all get our share of adversities. How we handle them is personal and /or individual.
My friend decided that she might need a change of scenery. Her work, relationships, health and the cold drab days of winter are getting to her. She's longing for warmth and sunshine and a break from “the rat race”. For others, the solution might not be this easy.
Some people cannot see beyond a negative situation when it occurs because it is all consuming, comes unexpectedly or they think they cannot handle it. Let’s be honest, it is not easy to be positive when things are going wrong. Some believe trouble comes in 3s and to our chagrin - sometimes it does. Life will really feel like a downward spiral and hopelessness starts to set in after 2 issues.
However, we need to find a way to snap out of it, especially if we believe there is any truth in this quote.
What you focus on grows. What you concentrate on is what you see more of in your life.”
Robin S. Sharma
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Being able to change one's perspective in the face of repetitive challenges is very difficult, but possible. It requires a lot of will power and strength.
Life comes with challenges - large and/or small. The same issues can be handled quite differently by different individuals. That is because we are unique. Some people seem to have more resilience and/or courage than others. In the end we all persevere in our own way. In time, we will look back and realise that we are strong. In time, we will look back and agree that indeed - nothing lasts forever. Time seems to mitigate any hurt, pain, distress or sadness. It provides some hope that things can and most often get better.
What can one do when in the midst of adversity when situations seem insurmountable? It is so easy to get in a downward spiral; it seems normal and commonplace. Maybe our past experiences can help us presently as we will remember that we overcame prior challenges. We will remember that it just took some time.
It can also be a reminder that "we got this” - we’ve been there already and know what to do to make progress or change the situation. A step back might be a way to slow us down - to take “timeout“ so we can assess where we are currently compared to where we want to go. That is a good thing. Sometimes looking back reminds us that we are strong, have made good progress thus far - which is motivation to keep going.
One shouldn't get stuck in the past for too long though - since we cannot change it. Nothing in the present will benefit from focusing on the past. One could get stuck there and use it to reinforce any current misfortune. As a result - nothing will change. We will get more of the same. Then we might think that bad things always happen to us - that we always have bad luck. Thinking like that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The key is to learn and move on. Thereafter, one can focus again on the present of and the good things we want to happen.
Focusing negatively is easy especially if things aren’t going well. A true test is to focus on the positive during hard times. To focusing on a good outcome that we want to achieve take a lot of faith and courage.
We've all had things happen that tested our faith, beliefs and strength. Often we look back and can be happy that we’ve been through “it”. We survived it - the worse is over. We move on having learnt lessons and realise that we are more resilient, knowledgeable and stronger than before. Thereafter, we would all love for everything to be straightforward and to go smoothly. However, we know that life is not linear - up and downs are on life’s path. We just do not know which ones we will encounter until they happen.
Speak to a good friend or a counsellor
As I mentioned before, these ideas are sometimes easy to say but hard to do. Sometimes a breakthrough does not come. We then only think of curling up, isolating ourselves and crying. We do not want to be seen or spoken to. Carrying the burden alone can be difficult. It is good to find someone whom you trust and is a good listener who can hopefully provide some new insights and obtain a new perspective.
We can learn a few things from trees. During winter they shed their leaves to adapt to the weather. Trees will be heavy if they are laden with leaves during heavy snow falls and strong winds. Trees would literally snap and break their branches.
Sharing with others is like shedding leaves - it literally lightens our load. The shared burden like the leaves will fall to the ground and become compost. In the same way, difficult times will serve as valuable experiences which will hopefully - directly or indirectly - enrich our lives. Oftentimes, we cannot do anything for others but to lend a listening ear. That can be what the person needs or expects. Other times, seeking professional help from a counsellor or psychologist might be the best advice.
A leafless tree might seem vulnerable in its nakedness but it's adapted to its environment and does better as a result. The same is true for the person who shares. That person feels vulnerable but it could be liberating in the end. The shared interactions can nourish and nurture you, making you develop and grow from the experience. Sometimes whilst sharing we gain insights, find our own answers and can help ourselves. It takes courage to share as even with close friends, one does not want to be a burden or to feel judged (silently or not).
As humans, we are familiar with limiting beliefs - thoughts and beliefs which do not serve us.
Our way of being is familiar and comforting like the leaves on trees or a warm blanket. Why change it? It is who we have become but is it who we truly are?
It is exactly at these moments when we are down or feel stuck that we need quiet time to do some serious soul searching.
In facing ourselves, we might become angry as we are reminded of things that make us fearful but can also provide clarity. We are often reminded that we are enough as we are right now - irrespective of any past or present experiences. The past is gone, the present is our gift as they say. Time for ourselves might not provide all the answers but we might emerge knowing what truly makes us happy. One will feel more relaxed and self aware. We will love ourselves more, be more joyful and accept ourselves with all our foibles.
As humans, we are fundamentally the same but unique at the same time. We are a design masterpiece but not mechanical. We could be likened to plants in a garden. Some days we need sunshine, other days water - other days some compost. We require different things on different days in different doses. Our daily needs are as unique as we are - changing from emotional, physical, psychological etc. Identifying what those are and addressing them is self care.
As intelligent beings - we would prefer to always take forward steps. However, we are aware that in taking those steps there can be setbacks. How we handle them will impact our next steps. Just like trees, certain factors will be appear as we grow and change but we can still continue to move in the right direction despite "life's lemons".
All photos are my own - taken with my iPhone
