I mentioned in my previous post I am a mom.
It's the one thing I think I can do well-ish.
Let's just say I haven't killed either of the kids.
They both well behaved {I hope}, they have good manners and are on the whole great people.
I don't just love them, I like them.
My biggest problem is when you thinking about having children nobody warns you about the heartbreak they will bring. Not because they gonna do it to hurt you but because they are growing up.
So let me explain, when you have your children they there and love you cause you a super hero and know how to fix everything, you can fight monsters, take away pain and fight the bullies. You cover their books and kiss away the cuts, you there when their friends say mean things, you there on the side lines screaming louder than anyone, no matter the time of the morning you have to wake up to drop them at waterpolo practice or sit outside the dance studio. You make the appointments at doctors and choose the right schools and aftercare and make sure you spend as much time as you can with them.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my two.
To say I love them so much it hurts wouldn't even come close to how much I really love them.
Then the day comes. . . Yes that day, the day they start needing you less.
The day he says something mean because lets be truthful, guys don't think before they talk. {This is a fact} But mom's hearts break a little when he would rather spend time on the internet or the phone. When you ask, whats wrong and you get the "NOTHING"
The day when your daughter looks at you like you not as important as you were yesterday.
The day you no longer their super hero.
The day your heart breaks.
I know I need to let go because they are only my babies for a little while but the truth is my heart breaks everyday a little more.
I will always be their mom but I miss the super hero mom I used to be.
I know I can't expect them to ask me to fix a cut or fight a monster or two but I have been a mom for more than 18 years now and I miss been important in their lives. I know I am important to them but not like before.
I miss been a mommy, because I am now a mom and sometimes I am just Sandra to them.
I have tried letting go with my eldest but it hurts. I think it hurts because I hate it when they sad, hurt, scared or the possibilities that could go wrong. Even though I believe in the saying, "but what if I fall? Oh my darling, but what if you fly"
I want them to fly, I just don't want them to go through all the pain I have had to in my life.
Maybe that is my problem, I don't want them to go through what I have had to in my life. I suppose that is why I have always gone above and beyond with our two. I feel I must protect them no matter what.
So to answer my own question, there is a difference between letting go and helping them grow. Doesn't mean I have to love the idea or the fact that it won't hurt but at the end of the day our children are entrusted to us for but a short time and for that I will be forever grateful.
I just hope they both know I am their mommy who will fight the monsters if they ask and will love them with every piece of my being until my last breath. This I promise.
I love you my mouse and missy.
