Honestly, it's still hard to process. I don't feel like my brain has fully appreciated what just happened. I'm a husband? Freaky (to clarify, in the most amazing, magical way)
'cause like, I've never considered myself husband material. I think too much, I'm too insecure and yet come across as obnoxious and weird. I'm nerdy and more introverted than anyone I've ever known (not many given how introverted I am). Those tests put me at like 98% introverted. My family is utterly broken and explosively fragmented, to the point that only two actually remain in my life - neither of which can be in the same room together.
But I suppose I used these weaknesses to my advantage somehow, and pulled off a proposal to lock it in before she changed her mind!
I can't appreciate enough how powerful that 'yes' was to me. For starters, my wife is allergic to cats. I have 3 cats. I won't go into details but you can imagine the challenges that brings.
She has this incredible, loving, close-knit, stable and wealthy family. I have... nothing. I will inherit no home, I will recieve no riches, and the groom side of the wedding aisle, should there be a wedding, will be completely empty.
What is it about me, exactly, is husband material? I'm not a CEO of a successful firm, I don't walk around in suits and ties. I'm a music teacher who is about to give everything up to move to a collapsing home country of England which is getting about 30% poorer every day, where I have no acknowledged qualifications, irrelevant experience, no credit history/score, no home or bed to even temporarily land in, and no job prospects.
And yet, she married me. Is she a fool??
I genuinely can't say with confidence what makes me husband material, but I'm more than happy to be considered so by at least one person. I guess I am one thing, which is perhaps the most significant overriding factor: Passionate. I'm passionate about everything I take interest in, whether it's animals, music or the love of my life. I'll dedicate everything about me to them, and the wife takes priority over the lot. Before I proposed, I asked myself if I would give a kidney to her if it came down to it, and it was an easy yes for me (I didn't mention that in case she said yes for the kidney backup!).
I am essentially a guardian for my wife now. I value my own life so little compared to the things around me, it gives me nothing but joy to use the life I have to make her, and others, happy. Granted, I'm still lazy, I still complain about stuff and I'll still resist against things that make me uncomfortable. I could never be one of those husband slaves lol. But in the end, the decisions I make will ultimately be the ones that are most likely to make her happiest. At one point, with tears in my eyes, I even accepted that I might have to give my cats away, including Smash, who has been with me for 10 years and helped me survive every moment of loneliness and despair. Thankfully, it hasn't come to that.
So yeah, maybe that's what makes me husband material?
Without a wedding for the foreseeable - if ever (the wife isn't keen on the idea even less than myself), we had a little casual photoshoot after the marriage certification! We went with a local girl who used film and polaroid pics and a simple iphone, which I like because I'm not very photogenic and film cameras kind of soften my ugliness hahaha.
Here's some pics. We started off by the river near the government office and went to this creepy, dystopian children's theme park:
Yeah we had to climb through some fenced off bushes to get there. Not sure why.
This Chinese character is held up like this in pretty much every wedding photoshoot across China. 囍, if you zoom in, kinda looks like two people, but it just means 'joy', or 'double joy' since there's two.
Yeah... Just wanted to point out the night before the photoshoot we headed to one of our favourite bars in her hometown Shenzhen called Half Ton. We ate this platter between the two of us, as well as a couple of beers and a further flight of 5 tester beers. Cheers to marriage I guess!
Anyway, when we got back from the photoshoot, to our surprise the bedroom had been transformed into THIS! Rare silk, apparenrlt. Roses everywhere, and an assortment of nuts on the bed which together form a phrase basically meaning 'time to have kids'.
The entire room was decorated. They went all out:
This stuff makes me feel surreally uncomfortable, in a weird, positive way? Like I said above, I come from a lifelong broken family. No father will be at my wedding or know any future children. No cousins or aunts will send me birthday messages or get well soon flowers if I get hit by a car. I can turn to nobody to help me in financial times of need. It's all me... until I married into this family of love.
I feel like I have an actual safety net. Her father said to me at the dinner table, he will be my 'protection umbrella'. her mother said to talk to them whenever I am in need.
Simple phrases to them. To me, life changing! Family 2.0, I welcome it.
(Of course, that's not to undermine my mother and sister, both of which have been with me the whole way through the most extreme difficulties and struggles in life for all three of us).
Now, we have a kind of pseudo-honeymoon. We planned a vacation regardless, it just timed well together.
I'll save that for another blog.
But I did buy this super cool Robocam which I can drive around using my phone, has night vision, and can be used to play with the cats. I'll be gone for two weeks which any cat owner knows is a LONG STRETCH to leave them alone, so robocam combined with a cat sitter coming every couple of days, should suffice.
Creepy.
Anywho, I suppose if my blog here has a message, it would be that, if even I can get married, there is still hope in this world for everyone to find happiness. It took me a mighty long 36 years, but my patience paid off. Wouldn't have it any other way.
