There was a time when I would cry my eyes out because things didn't go the way I expected. I have experienced heartbreaks and disappointments from the ones I loved, and it would make me to cry all through. Sometimes I wouldn't even eat, I would just sit and start rethinking how everything enfolded and how I would have prevented it from happening even when it wasn't my fault. And at the end of the day, it would affect my emotional well-being.
But overtime, something has really changed in me . I no longer react to disappointments or even expect things to go smoothly without expecting that it would also go the other way. I stopped reacting to things the way I used to. Should I say I got used to it? Well maybe. You know that feeling where you are open to any outcome, whether it turns out good or bad you wouldn't be much bothered, pains of disappointment doesn't feel sharp again. That's the phase I currently am. I have come to realize that most people's pains slowly goes into silence not because they don't know what to do, but because they have experienced enough. They feel detached from everything that once concerned them. When they get disappointed, they no longer feel emotional about it, no crying, no overthinking , their mind has learned to stay calm. They have grown thick skin to disappointments.
Several disappointments has a way of straightening emotion. It makes someone quieter and less curious at things.
Yeah people would judge you. Saying you have trust issues or you're emotionless without knowing that you have passed through things that got you finally crashed. The feeling has become so familiar, no high expectations from people you love and trust and you can easily let go of things you can not control.
But honestly there's this peace that comes with it. The peace of not expecting too much from people, the peace of understanding that some people would sometimes disappoint me. It has taught me that I shouldn't expect everything to turn out exactly how I expect it to. The peace that anything can happen. And honestly I'm enjoying it. Maybe this is what growth means. Not that I'm emotionless, infact I'm a very emotional person when it comes to other people, but just that I am currently emotionless to disappointments and heartbreaks . I have become so strong to protect my peace and not ready to loose it again because experience has taught me a lot.
