“One lucky player will be picked at random to use my magic wishbone!”
“Just make a wish and watch it come true!”
“This is the chance of a lifetime!”
Jimmy is walking home from school dizzy with mixed fractions twirling around his head when he is interrupted by a man with a giant turkey suit trying to sell Jimmy a wishbone raffle ticket.
Jimmy didn’t like that turkey man jumping at him one bit, nor that aggressive sales pitch. Jimmy only came to the supermarket to pick up a quart of milk.
He just shook his head as to indicate, “No”.
The man in the giant turkey suit did his best and answered back,
“Well maybe on the way out you might change your mind.
This here wishbone is the real thing.”
This made Jimmy even more determined not a buy a raffle ticket. He didn’t believe in magic or superstition or divine powers. What Jimmy did believe was that people like this turkey man were out to get the last few quarters he had left from his allowance. He wasn’t going to let that happen to him.
Inside the supermarket it seemed like the items on the shelves were calling his name until he ended up in the chocolate isle. He didn’t want to be there. But he was surrounded by chocolate bars. One of the chocolate bars called out:
“Jimmy. I’m just a fraction of your allowance. After buying me you will still have four fifths of your money left.”
This chocolate bar seemed to be speaking a convincing argument.
Jimmy picked it up just in case he might need to buy it on the way out. He then began to look for his quart of milk. He quickly grabbed his favorite milk and went to the cash register.
After the purchase of the milk and the chocolate bar he had only one quarter left from his allowance. Jimmy was happy to hold at least one quarter and the quart of milk, but mostly he was glad he bought the chocolate bar.
He couldn’t resist at least trying a bite before he left the store.
On the way out the man with a turkey suit stopped Jimmy.
He said,
“You’ve got a little chocolate on your lip.”
The man handed Jimmy a napkin and without thinking Jimmy took the napkin and wiped his mouth.
That was just the amount of time the man with turkey suit needed to judge how much money Jimmy had left.
“The last raffle ticket of the day is on sale for just a quarter.”
“You may be the biggest winner this world has ever seen. Don’t just walk away.”
It was like Jimmy was doing the opposite of what he knew he should be doing. Not only did he buy the raffle ticket, but he also wrote down his name and address. It must have been the chocolate high because he did everything he planned not to do and now he was holding a little scratch card in his hands.
Jimmy wanted to scratch out the card right away but he gave away his last coin to the turkey guy to buy the card. He thought about scratching it out with his fingernail then he had an idea.
He asked the guy in the Turkey suit,
“Can I borrow a quarter for a second to scratch this out?”
He figured if he lost he would just take his quarter back. The man gave him the quarter and he began to scratch. To his surprise all three bars he scratched off said,
“winner, winner, winner.”
He showed the man with the turkey suit wondering if it was some kind of mistake. The guy with the Turkey suit responded by saying,
“Kid, you are a winner!”
“Here is your wish-bone.”
The man then began to unzip his suit.
Jimmy cringed at the thought of what kind of bone that strange man was going to show him.
The man pulled out a simple dried up turkey breast bone. Jimmy was glad the man had not pulled out any other bone, but equally unimpressed. As he held the bone in his hand he wondered…
“What’s the use of a dried up turkey bone.”
As if the man could understand what Jimmy was thinking, he answered:
“You have to pull the bone in half to make your wish. The person with the largest part of the bone can make the wish.”
Ah, now Jimmy understood how to use a wishbone. But, who would he split it with?
Jimmy waited for the next day when he went to school before breaking the wishbone.
There was a math test that day and Jimmy had the perfect solution to all his fraction problems. He would split the wishbone with his math teacher. Whoever had the biggest part would make a wish and he knew what his wish was going to be.
Math class was second hour and the test was going to be on mixed fractions. Jimmy walked slowly up to the front of the classroom. He smiled and said to his teacher,
“I have a bone to pick with you.”
She laughed until she noticed a dry turkey bone coming out of Jimmy’s sleeve. Jimmy did not want to take the test. He was going try any way he could to get out of taking the test.
“Here. You take that end and I will take this end and then pull.”
Noticing that Jimmy chose the large end the teacher spoke up:
“I’m sorry Jimmy. How about if I get that end and you get this end?”
Jimmy answered,
Sure. I will still win and get my wish.
Jimmy’s teacher held the thick part of the bone in her hand and Jimmy pulled. He managed to pull in a jerking way that broke the larger part of the bone leaving the teacher with the small end of the wishbone.
Jimmy smiled and danced around. He knew that if he shared his wish out loud it would never come true. But his delight in breaking the large portion of the wishbone was an indication to his teacher of the content of his wish. His teacher announced to everyone in the class:
“Today we will not have the written test on fractions. Instead we will tell stories.”
All the students cheered and clapped. Jimmy knew his wish came true. What he didn’t know was that his teacher had hoped for them to tell fraction stories today. She had decided to use oral assessment based on the popping of one wishbone.
Jimmy’s story at the supermarket covered all the content on his exam. Each student had a story to tell and they all followed their teacher’s instructions and introduced fractions into the story. As for the man in the turkey suit, he took Jimmy’s quarter and lost it in a slot machine. It really wasn’t his lucky day.
His last words were:
Dreadful tin things.
https://twitter.com/johncleese/status/1484339265853014017?lang=en
- johncleese
