How to grow the most famous of all vegetables: POTATOES, THE DELICIOUS BULLSHIT SILENCERS!
Hi, my name is Michael X, and I love to garden in my spare time. It is important to me as a person, and for my children to learn where their food comes from, and how to grow it for themselves.
Everything is totally organic, from seed, to soil. We work hard on this garden of love, and are rewarded by healthy meals and food grown from it whenever we want to step outside and grab it.
Not only will I share gardening tips I have learned and created with you, I will also share some humor, experiences while growing various things, life , and all that other crazy fun stuff.
Take a journey with me, to my garden...a wondrous place that sprouts dreams and life.
Potatoes are yummy. They can be used for all sorts of stuff. Mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, potato chips, and of course the bad as shit POTATO AND SWISS CHARD GRATIN:
Put down those mediocre mashed potatoes and pick up this superb side dish. Sure, a gratin is just a fancy sounding casserole but nobody will give a damn what the name is once they taste it. Everybody will be so busy eating that you might be able to escape the awkward small talk with your family. POTATOES, THE DELICIOUS BULLSHIT SILENCERS
But in order to make all of this amazing grub, we are gonna need a few good taters. Well, more than a few. How about a shitload, because after you learn how to grow these babies, you are gonna be a tater eating, french fry making maniac!
So let's talk about them potatoes.
They are an easy and very low cost plant to grow and harvest. Many potato gardeners will grow potatoes in hill sections, but it takes up a lot of space. And if you have a green thumb and live in an apartment of urban area with less room, it makes it even harder to grow 'em.
This is a method we started doing that made it quite easy for us to grow lots of potatoes year around. We are able to move them to the greenhouse or indoors as needed, and they still just keep on growing.
The first thing you will need is a bag to grow them in!
Grow bags are easy and can be made from anything such as burlap, cardboard, weed wrap, or even a coconut basket (it will leak).
One of the biggest benefits to growing with this method, is that you are able to layer your soil and tubes as they shoot out, until the soil reaches the top of the bag.
As the tubes grow, you continue to place soil layers on top of the roots, so they will grow more potatoes by continuing to send out roots.
The best thing about growing this way versus growing the hill method, is that you are ensured you will get all them tasty taters.
If you want to make your gangster grow bag with simple and easy pieces, here are a few tips:
Use burlap sacks to roll down or sew into a show you like. It depends on the size of the bag and your needs. I already mentioned weed fabric, which is pretty easy to hold soil and water in. You can just staple it, or sew it like the burlap sacks.
You can also grow in a barrel, a tire, a bag of compost or a bag of soil right out of the garden center of any regular store.
If you wanna know where to get some serious burlap, check out my #### GARDEN GANGSTER PROTIP #1
After you have that kick ass bag put together for them tubers, put soil and compost in the bag and plant the seed potatoes you will be using. I usually grow a different bag of each kind, purple, Yukon, etc.
put in enough soil to cover it only about halfway. you then want to keep it nice and watered moist and evenly. As the tubes shoot out, cover them with more soil and compost, and repeat until the soil reaches the top of the bag.
Once they reach the top of the bag, just let them grow and continue to water until they flower out, and die. Once that happens, you can dump the bag or cut it open and get them taters!!!
Here are some of the bags in my garden:
Flap to Grab Potatoes
Starter Potato
Starter Potatoes
Make sure you cover all new tubers with soil to avoid scalding. You just need to pay attention the first week or so as they tube out and you continue to layer soil and water.
Make sure they stay in the full sun. You always want to keep your potatoes moist, but not soggy wet. I use Natural oils mixed with water on my potatoes and other veggies to keep bugs away. You can find some badass uses here.
Check them from time to time for bugs, keep them clean and sprayed, and harvest them as they come. You can grow in the spring and have them year around if you bring them indoors!
And now, the rest of the bad ass POTATO AND SWISS CHARD GRATIN RECIPE FROM THUG KITCHEN
Enough for 4-6 as a side Ingredients: 2 pounds red or yellow potatoes
1 cup plain almond milk ½ cup white or cannellini beans 2 tablespoons
olive oil 1 1/2 teaspoons soy sauce or tamari 4-6 cloves of garlic,
minced* 1 small bunch of swiss chard** 1 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 1/2 tablespoons fresh thyme, minced
salt and pepper spray oilFirst, warm up the oven to 350 degrees and then grab and grease a
medium sized casserole dish with some oil.Grab your potatoes, scrub the skin, then slice those fuckers up into
thin slices. Think potato chip size. This will take a minute but it’s
easier if your knife isn’t dull as shit. Throw all the potato slices
in a bowl of water so that they’re covered, that way they won’t get
all fucked up looking while you prep everything else.In a blender, add the almond milk, beans, 1 tablespoon of oil, soy
sauce, and half the garlic. Run that shit until it looks all smooth
and then set it aside.Now on to the chard. Chop up the rough looking stems so that they are
in pieces about the size of the chopped onion. Set those aside and
then cut the leaves down the middle of spine or whateverthefuck you’d
call that. Chop up the leaves so that the pieces are about the width
of your finger and no longer than 2 inches. Warm up the remaining
tablespoon of olive oil in a medium soup pot over medium heat. Add the
onion and the chard stems and sauté until the onion starts looking
kinda clear. If you grabbed red chard, those stems will start dying
everything in the pot sort of red but don’t worry about that shit. Add
the chard leaves, the remaining garlic, a pinch of salt, and the lemon
juice. Sauté until the leaves start to wilt down and cook a bit, about
5 minutes, then turn off the heat.Now the fun shit. Drain the potatoes and stack a layer of the slices
along the bottom of the casserole dish so that they overlap a little.
Sprinkle about a ¼ of the thyme over the potatoes and then scoop some
of the chard and onion mix over top so that it’s spread out over the
potato layer. Now pour about a fourth of the milk mixture over top and
then start over. Yeah that’s right, just like motherfucking lasagna
but with all veggies. Stack it potatoes, thyme, chard, and sauce until
you run out of stuff. You should get 3-4 layers depending on the size
and shape of your dish. No matter what, the top layer should be a
final layer of potatoes, with what’s left of the milk poured over, and
some of the thyme and pepper sprinkled on.Spray the top of this son of a bitch with some oil, cover it with
foil, and bake in the oven for 30-45 minutes or until the potatoes are
fork tender. Your place will start smelling good enough to be the envy
of your entire complex right about now. When the potatoes are tender,
take off the foil, crank the heat on the oven to 425, and bake it for
another 15 minutes until the top starts to brown. Now this fucker is
good to go. Let it cool for at least 10 minutes before serving then go
silence the holiday shit talkers with delicious potatoes. Best the day
it’s made.*Choose the amount based on how you feel about garlic. We pick 6 because our love runs deep.
Chard is a fucking awesome choice but not the only one. If you
can’t find it at the store, you can grab kale but try and mix it up.
Man that just sounds delicious. I think I am gonna have to hit that up tonight!
Enjoy them taters!
Michael
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DISCLAIMER:
I have been there. My first marriage was a wreck, I ended up losing everything I owned, slept on couches in the year 2000, and went through hell for years afterward. I have lost it all. And gained it all. And lost it again. And back and forth. Do not worry about such things, they do not make a person.
I have been there. I know the hunger. I know the pain. I know the reward. It is all the same.
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