It is hard for me to write when I am feeling down.
It feels like I am getting all of my negative energy, and putting it out to the Universe to come back to me later.
When journaling "bad" or "negative" thoughts and feelings, it feels like a healing process: I wrote it down, I let it out, and I processed it. Sometimes I bump into the entries months or even years later and let myself cross them out or rip them out. It feels good to let go.
On a blog in the blockchain, writing and letting it all out is just the beginning. Once you publish it, even if you let it go, the process is just starting. Your readers feel your pain, they comment back, they have empathy with you.
Posts are live for seven days, so one bad day post, can be extended.
I am having a hard time, and I hope it is fleeting. I am visiting my husband, and not so happy about it. Some of the traits that made me want to live in a separate household are being magnified. I don't know if they have "gotten worse" or if my tolerance has "gotten lower."
I am really concentrating on letting the arguments not happen. You can see them coming from a mile away, and sometimes, they are hard to avoid. Unfortunately, for me, just listening, and letting it roll off my back doesn't work so well, not when I am being accused of wrongdoings that didn't happen.
Or being asked to explain myself.
Or getting accused of not taking care of my children.
And then I remind myself what divorce really means: that I will have shared custody and stretches of time where I really won't be parenting my children, because they will be only with the father.
I buckle down and find solutions.
