I catch myself, wanting to say more just to feel seen even when the room already understands me without the extra weight still, I keep adding until I regret it,
I catch myself, dressing a simple thought with multiple layers of words as if silence will expose how unsure I really feel underneath,
I catch myself, reaching for noise because quiet makes me sit with the parts of me that don’t feel enough, impressive or haven’t finished anything yet,
I catch myself, am I speaking to be clear or am I trying to prove something I’m afraid I don’t naturally truly carry,
I catch myself, pulling back slowly because I can feel how the excess begins to choke me the truth I was trying to protect in the first place…
I hold back, when my instinct tells me to overdo the effort just to secure a place that was never asking me to perform this hard,
I hold back, when I feel the urge to add another bit of explanation even after the meaning has already landed where it needed to be,
I hold back, noticing how my body tightens when I am about to overextend beyond what is honest and truly necessary,
I hold back, am I acting from clarity or am I trying to earn something that doesn’t need this much strain,
I hold back, learning how restraint is not emptiness but a form of respect I am still learning how to give myself…
I strip it down, removing the extra layers that once provided me with a sense of security but now only weigh me down and hinder my progress,
I strip it down, letting a sentence end where it should even if it feels too bare for the version of me that craves too much of everything,
I strip it down, choosing not to impress when I can instead be understood without distortion or excessive ways to feel alive,
I strip it down, am I afraid of being simple because I think simple means small or just forgettable,
I strip it down, realizing how much of my noise was just fear trying to disguise itself as that shallow depth…
I stand still, when everything in me wants to rush forward and add more just to avoid being left alone with my own quiet,
I stand still, feeling how uncomfortable it is to not reach for external support when I have always leaned on it to steady myself with the weight,
I stand still, recognizing the subtle panic that comes when I cannot rely on someone else to carry this unidentifiable burden,
I stand still, can I hold myself here without asking someone else to soften this moment for me alone,
I stand still, discovering that stability feels foreign because I’ve relied on what’s outside me, and maybe this is where I learn to hold myself without needing to be held…
Watchwords:
Wanting to say more just to feel seen
Silence will expose how unsure I feel
Reaching for noise to avoid quiet
Am I trying to prove something
Stability feels foreign without outside support
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream:
