I’ve often wondered if everyone has the potential of being a content creator, since we are moving more and more to an online existence. In all honesty, it’s a fair question. All content, whether we are talking about videos, pictures or long format writing, to put it simply, is nothing more than expressions of opinion. Peeks into the minds of the people who are driven to create it, and maybe that’s precisely why it can seem scary.
Let’s face it, all of us seek approval. If not from our direct relationships, our loved ones, our family, we seek it from peers, and even from strangers for some reason. Nobody wants to think they are not worthy of love, or at least respect, when the first option is not on the menu, but putting your opinion out there, seems as if we are probing, seems as if we are asking scary questions.
Am I worthy? Am I good enough?
I will say this much, and this is because I’m old enough to know this fact well. There’s absolutely nobody in the world who does not struggle with self doubt. The difference is that some of us listen to those sobering voices, the ones that tell you to be more careful, to play it safe, but there are others who jump off the cliffs anyways.
But it is relevant for us to ask ourselves what good enough means. More so because good enough, at least in a way, implies that there is someone we must please, someone whose approval we must get, in order to feel relevant, accepted and maybe even loved.
In this search for approval, in the quest to answer the question: Am I worthy? Are we looking outside or inside? Are we trying to ask other insecure individuals, one’s who struggle with their own doubts too, if they know, if we are worthy? I think the irony becomes clear, and maybe it’s more about being a little more comfortable with feeling fear.
Fear of what?
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A great question if I may say so myself, and one that does not have a simple answer. Our ego again is in the way, and it tells us that only through external validation we can feel internal value. But is that actually true? Is it made up? Well, it’s a story we’ve told ourselves, like all the others we believe. But can the story change? Should it change?
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, and I quote:
“I can’t tell you how to succeed, but I can tell you how to fail: try to please everyone”
And I’ve heard versions of this wisdom from different people of different cultures over the years, but somehow it’s one of those truths that is easy to forget, right when we need it the most.
To be brave
Maybe it’s because we wrongfully equate being brave with being fearless that this is so confusing for us. We admire the very idea of not feeling fear, but the truth is that such a thing, being truly fearless that is, is only possible in comic books and movies.
Fear is not only a natural emotion, but a necessary one. It’s a warning sign, it’s a call to evaluate our chances, a mechanism of survival we needed and still need. So, to think that we ought to shut it off completely, to deny realities if they impede us from “living in the moment” is to forfeit reason, but the trick, if I we can call it "a trick", is to recognize that sometimes we are afraid of trivial things, that we are afraid of events that are quite unlikely to ever happen.
I once had a great conversation with a friend about my personal fears and anxieties. I explained to him how I felt at that time, how uncertainty had robbed me of appreciating even the sunniest of days. In a calm voice, and with the wisdom that only getting older can grant you, he asked me to think about every single time in my life that I feared the worse, every time when I thought I was doomed, and count how many times I was right about my grim predictions. In other words, how many times did I correctly predict my demise. Logically, I came up empty…
Managing expectation
It may not be obvious at first, but it sure is important. The truth is that plenty of people who decide to put their ideas out into the ether, find themselves frustrated quite easily. Maybe because the audience is not there, maybe because the reception is not warm, but unmanaged expectations always result in grief and angst.
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I guess we could also talk about a sense of entitlement here, and yes that is always part of the equation, but is entitlement not another guise of the ego. The one thing that we focus so much energy in protecting, as if it’s an internal organ of incredible fragility.
All that being said, because I know I’ve spoken too much. Should you put yourself out there, or not? Of course, the choice is yours. Do you have ideas you want to share? And, if you do share them? What do you expect to happen? Money? Fame? Or maybe you can shoot for something a lot more important, personal growth.
Personal growth, what a novel concept, how is it that we seem to forget it so often. You see healthy pride, a sense of self worth, a sense of value and appreciation does not come from narcissistic flattery, but from us recognizing a path traveled, a mountain conquered, knowledge acquired, a skill mastered, you get the idea.
I believe if that is what we are aiming for, if that is the goal so to speak, there's no way we can really lose, don't you?