Tonight's the night. I dropped my ex off at a party about 2 hours ago and honestly I haven't been too worried. If you've been keeping up with my uninteresting life then you'd know I'm still close to my ex. And tonight he's going to a party with his old friends and a girl who's 'loved' him since day 1.
My ex likes to keep me close, he still says he loves me and cuddles & kisses me all the time. Although, he likes to know he's got the freedom to hookup with other girls, whereas if I even mention a boy he hates it.
He says to me that I keep him on a string. I really think it's reverse. I constantly tell him to stop saying and doing all these things that couples do, but he still does them. He doesn't like the thought of me going out with other guys and makes sure I know that. I feel guilty for even talking to another boy.
If he hooksup with a girl tonight I don't know how I'm going to feel about it. I think it'll be the heartbreak I've been needing. Since we broke up but still live together I haven't had that initial breakup feeling. Once he moves on with someone I think I'll finally get that feeling. I know it's going to hurt like a bitch but it's something that needs to happen.
I think it needs to happen to him as well. At the moment he still acts and treats me like his girlfriend but he needs to realise that I'm not anymore. At the end of the day he broke up with me. Yes we were both unsure about the relationship but he's the one who broke up with me. So why breakup with someone but then continuously flirt with them? Maybe I'm just overthinking things.
It's not fair.
Anyway, I'll guess I'll find out later how his night went..
Until next time,
Meliss
