My entire life, I have been considered the "good girl." The innocent one, the suck-up, the boring one, you name it. I've legitimately heard this all through school k-12, college, my job, and my home. And for a long time, I struggled with this because I thought it was a bad thing. So many of my peers made it seem like a bad thing. But then one day I thought to myself, "what the fuck?" and realized that not constantly putting myself in danger, flaunting myself at every rabid-eyed male in the stare of Texas, and drinking away all my problems was a good thing. Crazy, isn't it?
Ok, I'm being a bit too harsh here. I have drank plenty. I used to smoke quite regularly. But, as I grow older, I lose the desire more and more. I haven't drank since the summer. I've only been black out drunk once in my life. I stopped smoking after my second life-threatening experience with it (it may not actually have been, but I FELT like it was and that's all that matters frankly). And I have had sex once, and immediately regretted it. Especially since I never heard or saw the boy again.
And it's all just something I will probably never fully understand. Sure letting go, shrugging your shoulders and saying "fuck it" is all fine and dandy, but why do so many people seem to enjoy not having any control over themselves? Why are large parties fun with drunken frat boys and half naked college girls fun? Why is being so drunk you don't remember anything, fun? It's always fun until someone gets raped, or someone dies. It literally takes life-threatening or actual death situations for people to regain some common sense.
Recently, I was talking to a girl about concerts, She seemed interested so I suggested I take her with me to one sometime. She was more than down for the offer, but then I also added, "But you have to be sober at it." She started booing and immediately backed out, claiming that wasn't any fun. This blew my mind for a lot of reasons. #1 well, we already know why I personally enjoy attending concerts, for the escape and the excitement and the pure joy I experience when being there. And that's exactly why I don't get drunk, I don't need to to have a good time. It's sickening to me that so many people my age are under the impression that having fun can only consist of drinking or smoking or sex, or all of the above combined, Those things are fine, but they aren't the only things that exist. 2. Is that relying on alcohol to cure any sadness or anger or frustration is just an awful idea. Especially for you girls who claim to eat and drink healthy by steering away from sodas just to chug an entire bottle of vodka that night. Or you guys who rant about never wanting to rely on a medication and then turn around and smoke marijuana on the regular. It's absurd and insanely hypocritical.
Back to the angry rants by your truly, eh? Well, at least it's me taking pride of myself for once. I'm happy to be the goody-good. I'm happy to still maintain a tad bit of innocence. And I'm happy to know how to enjoy life and the things in it without losing my sobriety.
