Higher, Daddy. Higher!!
The Little Boom yelled with abandon as I pushed him back and forth in the swing.
It was a fine day. The sun was shining and the temperature was touching double figures which was quite splendid for Scotland in late August. If it got any hotter I would have to seriously consider getting my tap aff and drinking some Buckie.
I felt content. Despite not having had a wash for a few days and getting to the smelling of balls stage, life was feeling pretty good.
Lovely day, eh?
Another Dad greeted us as he walked up, he had a boy with him that looked the same age as the Little Boom and said boy was clamouring to go on the swings too.
Aye, it's grand.
I smiled with contentment as Other-Dad hefted his porky little boy into the swing beside us and started giving him a nudge back and forth.
The park was quiet except for the creaking of the swings as we both swung our youngsters back and forth. The pair of us obviously savouring a moment where life just seemed right.
I glanced at Other-Dad to offer a smile of solidarity and froze.
Great quacking tits!? Was he pushing his kid higher than the Little Boom?
He was. He was deliberately pushing his kid higher than mine.
Son of a hairy flange, what a competitive Motherfucker!? Can't a couple of dudes just push their kids on a swing without getting all Alpha?
Well, we would see who is the fucking Daddy.
Slowly I started nudging the Little Boom higher in his swing.
Weeeeee!
He yelled, no doubt fully aware of the high stakes game he was now engaged in. A game that only had two endings, Death or Glory.
And frankly, we were too handsome to die.
Not so high, Daddy!!
Other-Kid yelped with fear as his Daddy nonchalantly pretended we weren't playing Mind poker via the medium of kids swinging and pushed his son higher and higher still.
I started to put my back into it, sending the Little Boom further and further into the sky with each push. The sun gleamed on his cheeks as he attained heights that Lazarus would have wept great salty tears of jealousy at.
Daddy, too high?!
The Little Boom urged me onward with random words and I answered the call by shoving his swing with all of my might till he flew so high in the air that it seemed that he wouldn't come back down.
Aaarrrrrrghhhhhhh!!!!
Both the children squealed in terror as they scraped the very edge of the atmosphere. I looked over and saw the other kid turn the yeasty colour of breastmilk.
Dad STOP!!!!!!! I'm going to be sick?!?!
Screamed Other-Kid his voice warbling back and forth as if gargling with baby eels.
Other-Dad reluctantly started to slow his porky competitive bastard child down.
I too calmed down on the pushing and eventually, both kids were at a standstill. Other-Kid staggering off to some nearby bushes making sick noises.
Other-Dad waved sadly in defeat as he moved off to comfort his son.
I scooched down on my knees and high-fived the Little Boom.
Daddy, that was too high.
He said grumpily.
I pulled him close and gave him a big hug.
Let me tell you this, little guy... In life, you can never be too high.
We took a moment to ponder this wisdom and breathe in deeply the pungent scent of victory that was heavy in the air around us.
A scent, which oddly enough, can sometimes smell remarkably like balls.
