What the bleeding heck guvnor? Is 
No, no. Don't worry. What I did notice today and even yesterday was a remarkable uptick in ridiculously barefaced scammy spammers.
But surely a spammer is a spammer I hear you merrily cry as if you were one of my merry band and I, a man in colourful tights with my foot astride a log in a forest clearing. (To all US citizens, tights = pantyhose. Incidentally, pantyhose? That's a strange strange word.)
So what particular event got me all pontificate'y on this subject?
There I am, in the aftermath of a blizzard, sledging in the snow with the little lady. She is squealing with delight and tearing down the slopes. I get my phone out to take some amazing footage of her haring down at breakneck speed.
As I am fiddling with the camera. A notification pops up from Discord.
Hello Sir, May you help me?
My initial instinct as ever is to immediately reply Bite ma banger which is a quaint Scottish term. If you need me to spell it out, the banger part implies a pork sausage. There, easy to work out now!
Instead, my kinder side comes out and I quickly flick open the chat.
Yes I can help you but I am busy, I will be back online in half an hour or so.
Look at me, the King of Kindness!! No peon is beneath me, I will help all with my fair hand. Whether it is a tickling they want or a punch in the happy place, they can count on me.
Sir can you give me tips for to improve my Steemit standing.
Was the response. Given that I was trying to take a photo I was surprised at my diplomacy.
Beat it arse-face, I told you it would be later.
I then put my phone into airplane mode and enjoyed the rest of the sledging.
By the time I had gotten home and engaged my full on chillax I had three seperate chats flashing away. I answered SpamFarmer1.
Me: Right fannybaws. How can I help you?
SpamFarmer1: I want to know how to make my posts better, can you look at one?
Me: No thank you. I do not judge peoples posts because quality is subjective and inevitably it is not an honest critique that people want. Instead, they want to know how to make as much money as they can for no fucking effort whatsoever.
Despite me saying no, SpamFarmer sends shitpost link. I look at it. Its three lines of text with a photo of what looks like a potato shaped like a vagina that has exploded. Apparently, it's a meatball.
Me: I said no, however as you ignored that. Your post is shit. You need to put more effort into them.
SpamFarmer1: OK, thank you. Can you upvote it please?
Me: FUCK OFF.
SpamFarmer1: OK, sorry. Can you give me 1 SBD
Me: What? Are you for real? Why? Why would I give random chat beggars SBD?
SpamFarmer1: Sir. I am NOT a BEGGAR.
I blocked him. That's not begging? What the feck is then? I was rather surprised though. No-one has ever just asked for SBD from me before. Is this a new thing?
Well, apparently it is. Twice more today I have been messaged by random people asking straight up for cash. Of course, they engaged in a bit of chit chat before asking me outright for the SBD. The last one hilariously told me that...
I would like to buy some new clothes. Could you send me 5 SBD?
I replied suavely that if they wanted new clothes they could wear a fucking sack.
Is this the done thing now? Is anyone else getting random chats asking straight out for cash? Or has word gotten out (wrongly) that I am a soft touch?
Perhaps I should change my profile pic to something more menacing? Whatcha think?
