Good grief, what are you up to?!
The Good Lady's voice squawked in disbelief somewhere to my side.
I turned, ever so slowly, that Barry White tune that no one knows and yet everyone knows ba ba ba ba bum'd in my head...
Hey baby-pancake, You mean this?
I waggled my razor blade at her seductively as if it were a fern with a ladybug on it.
The Good Lady stood, just outside the bathroom door her face rumpled up a mix of disgust and intrigue like the time I waved a carrot at her and asked if she would like some vegan bukkake.
Yes, I mean that. Are you... Are you... shaving your chest?
She stuck her neck out to get a closer look as if she didn't dare step any closer.
Yes, my sweet little bonbon. I am indeed shaving the majesty of my chest.
I stuck a couple of fingers in the foam beside one of my nipples which had dared to poke free like a little mouse's nose pushing through a sea of cotton wool and quickly covered it up again.
But... But... What the hell for?!
The Good Lady skrawked, hopping from one leathery foot to another.
I made a flubbery-bubbery noise with my lips at her incredulity.
What for? Well, I thought it was kinda obvious but if I need to spell it out..? Now that I have started running to keep in shape again I thought it would help streamline me a bit.
I dragged the razor over what had once been a veritable prairie of man-hair leaving a stark pinkish road through the foamy countryside of my chest.
But you don't run naked? You wear a top. So, how the hell would shaving your chest help?
The Good Lady narrowed an eye, her investigative juices beginning to bubble excitedly.
Ah...
I stopped shaving for a moment and nodded.
Damn, girl. You got me. You got me fair and square. Called me out good and proper.
I sighed the deep and heavy sigh of a husband who sees his wife-thing pick up and the laptop and realises with a lurch that he might not have opened an incognito window when surfing the web last night.
So...?
If the Good Lady had a foot to spare she would have been tapping it suspiciously on the floor.
I broke and held my hands out to the side.
Well, alright then. You've forced my hand. I confess. I am keeping my chest trim for the laydeez!!! You know what I mean, brutha!
I winked and held out a hand for a high five to show that we were bruthas-in-arms and that all dem laydeez had better be watching out.
It's still lockdown? How can it be for the ladies!?!
The Good Lady waved her arms around like an old Dutch windmill remembering the glory days.
And besides that, you cheeky bastard, I am your bloody lady?!
She fixed me with a glare that could make frubes.
Alright then. You want me to stop?
I sighed and looked down at the floor.
The Good Lady stepped forward daintily.
Yes please Daddy-Bear, I like you with a bit of hair.
She ruffled the hair on my bowed head before turning on her heel and leaving the bathroom.
I waited two long minutes, my breathing slow and quiet, listening to see if she had really gone.
All was silent.
I started shaving again.
Oh yeah, for the laydeez!
