The good lady came into the room as I was getting ready for work. She coquettishly tipped her head to the side and smiled at me.
Hey Daddy. You know, you have been amazing this year and we really appreciate everything you have done for the family.
She positively glowed with happiness as she said this.
I raised an eyebrow suspiciously and looked about for a trap.
Oh aye, what's going on?
Nothing! I just want you to know how much we love you. You deserve a great Christmas. Have you any idea what you would like?
Aw shucks. It's nice to know I am appreciated. As a matter of fact I do have an idea...
Oh that's fab! Go on, what is it?
I smiled at her as she smiled at me. Wasn't this just perfect? Two people in love just wanting to make each other happy. It was like we were surrounded by an aura of pure joy. I could almost see love birds fluttering around the room. I stretched my hands out wide. She did too and moved in for a hug.
I stepped back and started banging my hands about in mid air.
I'd love a drum kit!!
The good lady froze, moved back a step.
It suddenly seemed very cold. Far off, I thought I heard a bell chime forlornly.
You want a what?
A drum kit baby!! Wouldn't that be cool? You know there comes a time in every man's life where he feels that tribal beat and just wants to start banging along.
I grinned like a puppy surrounded by furry teats full of milk.
The good lady appeared to have swallowed a thunder cloud. I could see lightning flash in her eyes and dark clouds gather on her brow.
A drum kit?!?
She didn't seem to be wholly enamoured with the idea.
Yeah! Drums baby. I mean I know I have a few guitars and stuff but drums, wouldn't that be awesome!
I started tapping at an imaginary snare and high hat. I couldn't help but grin like a wolf on a New Zealand hill.
Are you fucking nuts? We have a newborn baby? When would you play drums? Where would they go? Could you think of anything noisier and more annoying? Are you taking the piss?
She was quivering. I don't think I had seen her quiver before.
I know, they can be a bit noisy. I suppose I could get an electric drum kit and that way I could wear headphones.
I hit an imaginary cymbal. Tsh. I was still grinning even though she was starting to mess with my happy vibe a bit.
She crossed her arms and set her mouth in a grim line as if ordering someone called Ràmon to clip me.
No. Drums.
Eh, but you said...
No drums. Choose something else. God, I can't believe you! Drums. You're nuts. I can't believe how fucking nuts you are?!
She stormed out of the room. I could hear her curse and swear like a sailor all the way down the stairs.
Hmm. Call it intuition but I don't think she's keen?