Guess who's back!!
A voice boomed out over our bank of desks. I looked up to see who the fuck was peasant shouting.
It was Jam-Bag. He had been a Project Manager here once then left. He had been gone a long time.
If memory served me correctly, his biggest achievement had been purchasing the Moto 360 smart watch and tapping the face of it repeatedly in meetings.
I had a quick look at his wrist. No Moto. Just the usual identikit Fitbit'ery.
I didn't quite get the Fitbit obsession. Although to be fair I was half tempted to get one and attach it to my penis and setup an actifit account on Steemit for it.
Who let you in?
I asked pretending to be friendly.
Aha! There he is! The big man speaks!
Jam-Bag grinned hugely as if we were two old tomcats licking a herring.
Bet you never thought you would see me back in this cow of a place!
He waved his arms expansively like Caesar did when announcing his new salad dressing.
Erm... No?
I raised my voice at the end of my response as if I were a teenage American girl and hoped that he wouldn't take it as a mating signal.
Well, here I am. Back. Back to sort you lot out!
Jam-Bag laughed dementedly.
Nearby, a few people who had absolutely no idea who he was shifted uncomfortably in their seats at the nutter in the cheap suit and loud voice.
That's nice. You back as a Project Manager then?
I asked.
Ha! A PM?? Not likely, mate. Back to drag you lot kicking and screaming into the 20th century more like!
He chuckled and briefly looked downward shaking his head as if noticing the floor was made of vaginas for the first time.
You mean the 21st century?
I said with a majestically raised eyebrow.
Oh there it is! That's the BoomDawg right there. Can't get one past this guy!
Jam-Bag nudged the oily shoulder of a DevOps guy sitting nearby.
So what are you back for?
I asked with no small amount of puzzlement. His track record hadn't been the best as far as I could remember.
What am I back for? Maybe I'm back to shake a few trees, see what falls out.
He tapped an index finger to his nose and winked at me before turning heel and marching off.
Collectively we watched him go, bafflement in the air like the perfume of a lady in her late forties
I heard El Jefe is getting promoted, do you think he's in to replace him?
Asked the oily DevOps guy across from me.
The blood froze in my veins at the thought of my boss being replaced by the thing that had just Gervais'd us.
I fucking hope not.