I am not a man to use the term snowflake. At least not when it isn't Winter and indeed there is snow in them skies.
Lately, however, my cover art was subject to the most insane commentary from a mentally ill, pathological liar who was caught post farming on Hive. in other words, a cunt!
The community, as always, caught up with said post farmer. He started getting downvoted and then went into a death spiral of crazy accusations backed up by alleged sources who cannot be named ever. Like cos, they don't exist.
He started accusing Hive of being run by Satan worshipping pedos.
His evidence to back this up was mostly a combination of my and others art and some jokey comments taken out of context.
Did I say he wasn't the sharpest tool in the box?
Anyway, I thought today I would walk you through the process of creating such art which is obviously taken from the very depths of HELL!
This way you can peer deeply into my nefarious method for creating art that makes snowflakes get all erect and run off to the toilet for a grubby hand-shandy.
Are you ready? Let's go!
Step 1: Go to pixabay.
Step 2: Search for two photos. One with a funky background and one with a human in it. What we will do then is utterly utterly SATANIC. Please read on for the devilry.
I like to use the following search terms for amazing backdroppery - steampunk ... futuristic ... science fiction ... technology - you name it, it can be used.
Look at this Steampunk beauty -
It has lots of clocks. Which you know are a sure sign of devil-worshipping. If anyone you ever know tells you that they have a clock or worse yet, can tell the time then you must burn them at the stake for their evil ways! digital watches by Casio are ok though.
There is further horror within that pic, see the door? Yes, that's right... A DOOR! That other great invention of the Devil. It is highly unlikely, but if you ever encounter a door then you must run. Do not go through it!! That way is the way to HELL!
So where were we on our dark art journey?
Ah yes. Save your photos. I like at the point of saving them to make a great MUHUHUWAAAH evil laugh and breathe in deeply through my nose imagining I am inhaling great gouts of sulphur.
This is where things take an even more DEMONIC turn.
Step 3: Take a photo of yourself making a silly face. Then use a background eraser app to remove your own head from your body... Thats right... CHOP OFF YOUR OWN HEAD!?!
It doesn't get much darker than this.
Step 4: Still got that background eraser app open? Cool, stick your second photo in it. The one with the random human from Pixabay. Remove the background and sit back and smoke a cigar rolled from the twisted souls of the damned.
I kept his hair because... EVIL!!!
Now we have a background photo brimming with SATANIC items such as doors and clocks. Oh and don't forget COGS. COGS are the work of his great majesty LUCIFER HIMSELF!
We have to combine them.
In the most evil way possible.
For me, that involves LAYERS! Yes, LAYERS. Notice how Lucifer starts with the letter L? So does the word LAYERS.
Did you know you can take the letter S from LAYERS and put it at the start of the word and you get SLAYER!
Snowflakes who hate art also can't understand METAL!!!
I can smell the brimstone bubbling around me.
Now you carefully put the background on the first layer in any photo editing app. You might want to tweak the curves for more punch if you can. If that makes no sense then don't worry about it. You soul is safe from what blackness follows.
Now add a second LAYER. Doink your person in, the one you got from Pixabay and removed the background of. Man or woman or animal. It doesn't really matter.
It might look a little stupid so far but that's ok.
Now, remember chopping off your own head?
HOW COULD ANYONE FORGET!
Add a third LAYER. Insert your own chopped off head and paste it, resizing as necessary on the shoulders of your victim person in the second LAYER.
HELL YEAHS!
Are you hearing the screams of the damned?
Now, there follows a bit of footery schmootery. Using a different app (if you are me) selectively adapt the colours of each layer to match that of the others. Or if you are being lazy you can merge the layers and run some kind of colour filter over them but that doesn't really work and is not SATANIC enough.
At this point in the proceedings take out your penis and draw the number 666 in the air with it, as if it were a magic wand.
If you are a lady. I can't help you with that step.
Tuck your lad away and using another app put some kind of crazy outline filter on your pic. Save it so that only the outline remains.
Now go back to your original pic and insert the outline on a FOURTH layer and select OVERLAY as the layer style.
It starts to look a bit drawingy at this point. Which is good. The devil loves cartoons.
Now merge your layers down and wallop your picture into another app for TEXT.
That's right. TEXT, words are the honey that the devil uses to attract bees.
Add your chosen words and save before opening the picture in another app and using an art filter on it.
Make sure to adjust the blend so it is only about 30-40% and use in the settings adjust the colour palette so that the picture has your own distinct brand.
I like to add light bleed filters into mine.
Add a frame.
Boom!
Put it on a HIVE post and watch as the WORLD BURNS and SNOWFLAKES that hate art MELT!
