Yesterday I picked the little lady up from nursery. She was normally very happy and buoyant but she seemed a little flat.
What's shakin little lady?
Nuffin.
Was her slightly sad reply.
Having watched many psychological thrillers and dramas on TV I knew to give her space. We skipped along the road and I warbled about dinosaurs and monsters to take her mind off whatever it was that was upsetting her.
It wasn't long before we were home and I asked her again.
What's wrong my little toffee apple? You seem a little preoccupied?
She looked serious.
It's Oliver Coyle. He said I looked like a boy.
Outwardly I remained calm. Inside a colossal rage exploded. Radioactive fire blazed through me body at the thought that some young scamp would dare insult my little lady.
I gave a disdainful sniff.
You don't look like a boy, he is obviously quite silly.
I know. But it upset me, he said it lots of times. Some kids laughed.
I reached out and placed a hand on the wall to steady myself as the fury exploded like a volcano in my mind. What?!? I must find this young scamp and gut him like a fish. Yes, that is what I must do.
I knew of course that this was madness. Instead, I gathered the little lady up for a cuddle.
What will I do if he says it again Daddy? It hurts my feelings.
Next day at dinner time we all sat and started noshing down at the table. The good lady regaled us with tales of her day looking after little boom. Not wanting the little lady to feel left out she asked her how her day was.
The little lady leapt up and down excitedly.
My day was great!! It was fantastic!! I loved it! I had lots of fun!
We both smiled. The little lady carried on.
I told Oliver Coyle that he was poor and eats out of a bin!!
The good lady froze.
Pardon darling. He is what?
I told everyone! I said Oliver Coyle is poor and eats out of a bin!!! Everyone laughed at him!
I coughed on some food slightly.
The good lady looked visibly pained as if her vagina was playing up.
And where did that come from?
Even as she asked her gaze had lifted from the little lady and fixed solidly on me.
Daddy told me to say it!!! It worked Daddy!! It worked!
I coughed a little harder. The good lady pinned me with her best icy glare.
Daddy. I don't think you should pass on any more wisdom's till you have slept a bit better, hmmm?
Ahem. Yes dear.