Today we went to the Doctor's. Don't worry! No great drama, a six-week examination for the little boom and the flu vaccination for the little lady.
We went into the surgery and checked in with the ever grumpy Doctor's receptionist. She scowled fiercely at us as we approached the desk.
Can ayelp yoo?
She strangely piped through her nose.
Yes indeed dear lady! A flu vaccination for numero uno babben and a six-week exam for this little terror here, numero dos!!
I held up little boom like a glove puppet and waved him at her. I was being as jolly and as convivial as I could be. When you face these types of demonic doctors receptionists it's like having an enchanted sword. They just can't seem to process humour.
Ayoo all going in togethur?
Piped the receptionist disapprovingly. She was an odd sort. Possibly odder than your normal Doctor's receptionist breed. She looked kinda normal, in her forties with short dark brown hair but when she spoke it was like watching a Jim Henson puppet gasp for air underwater.
She is taking the little lady and I the little man! Unless, of course, perhaps you would like to watch the little uns? Me and the missus could nick out to the pub for a couple of shandies! Ho ho ho!
She grunted like a buffalo beset by biting flies and waved at us to take a seat.
It wasn't long before the Doctor called us in. I went in with little boom and the good lady waited outside with the little lady for the other appointment. The doctor was a nice reassuring lady and took the little lad off me to inspect on a big white table.
She took various measurements and occasionally commented nonsense things to me to which in response I would nod wisely.
Toward the end she asked me to remove the little fellers nappy. Her being a Doctor, I happily obliged.
The Doctor leaned over his little naked form and held one of his testicles between forefinger and thumb.
Whoah, steady on.
I said somewhat uncertainly.
It's alright, it's part of the examination.
She said in an attempt to reassure me. She then discarded that testicle and picked up the other. She gently bounced it up and down a couple of times with her forefinger like she was tickling a cats chin.
Then she counted his magic beans out loud.
One and Two!
She looked at me and beamed.
Aye, well done. You can count to two.
I thought ungraciously.
Nothing wrong there then.
She marveled in the way of a woman who hasn't been beset by much ball'age in life.
Of course not. The fellow will be knocking planes out of the sky with them when he is a teenager.
I was a little defensive. The ball fingering bastard was lucky I wasn't getting my own ham cannon out and letting loose.
We finished up and headed out. The good lady was at the receptionist's desk making some random appointment. I made my way over.
Everything ok Daddy bear?
The good lady and the receptionist looked at me.
Oh yes, he has two balls. All is well. Come, we are leaving.
I headed for the exit and took the little boom from the indignities of that ball counting hell.
