Daddy, how did the Kelpies get to be there?
The little lady asked as we sat having a picnic in the shadow of the majestic metal sculptures above.
I gave her an affectionate pat on the shoulder.
Well, lass. The Kelpies are actually two giant magical horses. Their names are Hoddit and Doddit. They lived back in the olden days and were hated by everyone because they were so mean.
The Little Lady looked up at me, her face slightly squivelled looking.
What did they do that was mean?
A good question lass!
Today, we had decided to go for a quick drive to the Kelpies. A large arty attraction in Scotland which consists of two giant horses heads rearing out of the ground.
It sounds shit but it's actually quite spectacular.
See?
And it had the advantage of having lots to do for kids. So here we were.
Miraculously, I was relatively un-hungover which was quite baffling to me because I had felt mawkit before going to bed.
mawkit - Scottish word meaning, pished as fuck, aka a tad drunk
Well, lass. Funnily enough, what they did, was steal everyone's sandwiches.
The Little Lady looked at me, even more squivelly than before.
They stole everyone's sandwiches?
I finished my own sandwich that I was munching and nudged the Good Lady for another which she passed over.
Yes, lass. That is what the evil and mean Hoddit and Doddit did. They were hated by everyone because they just couldn't get to keep any of their sandwiches. One day, a grand wizard heard of the sandwich stealing antics of Hoddit and Doddit and put a spell on this very piece of ground and then put a gigantic pile of sandwiches out as a trap. It wasn't long before Hoddit and Doddit were lured along by the smell of the sandwiches and then as they stood right here the wizards spell made the ground soggy and they sunk all the way up to their heads.
I lowered my voice spookily and gestured to the giant horses.
Where they remain STILL!!!
The Little Lady shook her head with infinite six-year-old wisdom.
Mummy? Daddy is talking rubbish again?!!?
I winced, once upon a time, the Little Lady would have believed every word. Now, she was all worldly wise and didn't believe any of my twaddle.
The Good Lady looked over and frowned at me.
I am not I swear?!?
I shrugged, trying not to giggle.
The Little Lady rolled her eyes all the way to infinity.
Yes you are Daddy. Now, where is my sandwich? I was sure I had put it just there?
I swallowed the remains of the Little Lady's sandwich I had just crammed in my mouth and grinned cruelly at her.
Hoddit and Doddit must have stolen it.
