Why does your phone keep vibrating?
The Good Lady grimaced at me from where she sat in the lounge as if squeezing out a particularly hefty Caramel Log.
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It's a Scottish delicacy... Seriously!
Oh, that?
I looked over at my phone and snorted playfully.
It's just crypto going bonkers my love, nothing to worry about.
The Good Lady jolted as if attempting not to fall off her chair in shock.
Nothing to worry about? Nothing? That is unlike you? Arent you always freaking out when prices go up, down, sideways and all that?
She looked concerned, as if me not freaking out at crypto suffering a nuclear meltdown was a bad thing.
Perhaps all these years of me checking Blockfolio or whatever the fuck it is called since they ruined it had instilled a Pavlovian response in her. When I say Pavlovian, I mean that dick who experimented with the dogs and not the delicious delicacy of a dessert.
Nah, not bothered. If anything I will load up on some more of that crypto bollocks.
I picked up my guitar and strummed a few chords. Perhaps I should write a crypto song? After all, the notorious and now penniless fyrstikken once did precisely that.
(For those of you who remember he is back posting on Steemit. Long may he stay there)
I don't understand, is it a whoopsie bear or whatever you call it? When the prices go down?
She stood and came over to look at my phone which was buzzing furiously as alerts over various coins dropping big red candles flooded in.
It's just a bear market and yes, that is what is happening so everything is dropping. Its cool though. Its only internet money.
I strummed a D minor, known as the saddest chord in the world.
Well, that is unusual to say the least. Didnt you say in the last price crash bear thing that you would have to sell the children? I think you said we could keep one... maybe. Yes, you said that.
She put a hand on her hip and cocked her head to the side like a bird looking at a tasty worm.
Hmm, did I say that? Must have been on the beer or something.
I smiled winningly at her.
Oh yes, you said that. Now let me think, what else was it. There was another time. You said it was a Code Red and we would have to burn the house down and live like lowly animals in the woods.
She smirked because she knew I liked to say dickish things to amuse.
Ah yes, the burning. Well, maybe it was drugs or something?
I tried to look sheepish and not like Carlos the Cocaine Kingpin.
Pfft, drugs. You wish. Its not the nineties. Anyway, I am glad it is not such a drama. I am pretty sure there was a time you said you would have to pimp us out because the market had crashed so bad.
She gave me that look, the no-pimpery look of old.
Aye well, that last one was a toughie.
I winced at the last bear and its never ending descent into madness.
Oh it was tough. Didnt you say, 'fuck crypto it's the bane of my life'?
She laughed at that.
Yes, I do believe I said something along those lines.
I laughed with her like a charismatic fucking stallion of a man.
And now your phone is exploding with notifications and you are like, whatever?
I laughed harder and gave her a hug.
Yeah, fuck it. Its only internet money.
My phone buzzed again and I flicked it onto silent.
There, fuck you crypto :OD
