I opened my eyes. The room around me was silent.
Instantly my guard was up.
Why was it so quiet?
Where was the usual sound of screaming, fighting children? Or the sound of cats mrowring for their daily ration of flesh?
Nothing. It was just... quiet.
I realised the Good Lady must have decided to let me sleep on a bit. I felt a wave of lovey-majuvvy wash over me.
Ahhh, I love family life.
I sat up and ferreted about for my glasses on the side table as if I were Velma from Scooby Doo.
I noticed something beside my glasses on the side table. I picked it up and peered closely at it.
What the fuck was it?
It was like a thin tube of tightly rolled paper attached to what seemed to be purpley stuff. I teased at the purpley stuff and it pulled apart like cotton wool.
The purple colour had smudged off on to my fingers. How fucking weird, I ripped it up suspiciously before dunking it in the rubbish bin.
Downstairs, the family yelled good morning! as I entered the lounge.
I couldn't help but smile. Damn, I love my family!
The Little Lady, led me to a chair.
Sit, Daddy. Sit! Let me bring you some juice!
She gabbled excitedly.
Alright, alright. Juice would be lovely, ta.
I said, settling down into my chair.
This was the life, family life. I bloody loved it.
I smiled warmly at my beautiful little lass as she came in with my juice.
Daddy, would you like me to make you toast?
I smiled even more warmly. Her toast was rubbish and it always came out cold because she took so long spreading the butter on it but I always ate it because it was made with love.
Go on then, my little chicken pie.
I said.
Ah, why couldn't every day be a calm day in which everyone ran about after Daddy-Bear?
I looked up as the Little Lady came back in. She had her secret smile on and stopped before me, shuffling her feet.
Oh Daddy... did you get my flower?
She asked shyly.
Eh?
I was baffled. What was she talking about?
Daddy!! The flower!!! It was beside your bed?
The Little Lady adopted her Daddy's a silly tone.
Sorry, lass. I'm genuinely baffled. What flower? I haven't seen a flower?
I said with much confusion. From the kitchen I heard my toast popping.
My purple flower, daddy. I made it with paper and cotton wool coloured with purple pen? I made it for you cos I love you.
She looked at me expectantly.
It was then it dawned on me, that thing, that weird thing beside the bed!!
Oh, is that what that thing was? I think I might have put it in the bin!?
I said with a squinty sorry face.
MUMMY!? DADDY THREW MY FLOWER IN THE BIN!!! WAAAAAAAHHHH!??!?
The Little Lady started wailing and screaming uncontrollably.
On hearing the noise, the Little Boom wandered in from the kitchen and started sympathy scream-crying.
The Good Lady came storming out.
Daddy, what have you done!?
I looked around me at the chaos and screamy madness and shook my head.
Yup. I love family life.
