I wrestled with the shopping in one hand and the little lady in the other. Mummy bear was at home rolling about like a gigantic pregnant beach ball. My little lady was reluctant to leave the amazement of the roof car park we were on and pulled behind me like an ornery mule.
Eventually, I managed to get both the shopping and the little lady in the car. Rather grumpily I strapped myself in the front and put the car in reverse. Because it had been oddly hot I had left the window down a little bit for some air. The sun had well disappeared and a chill wind had sprung up. I wound the window up and looked in the rear-view mirror.
Squatting on the rear-view mirror was a big fat, evil monster. Striped yellow and black it glared at me balefully.
The breath hitched in my throat. I realised the bizarre high keening noise I could hear was myself and I was not producing the manful yell I thought I was.
Daddy, Daddy! Whats wrong?
Shouted my daughter from the safety of the back.
Aaarrgh, AARGGH. ITS OK DARLIN. ITS JUST A WASP!!
Then the worst thing happened. The vile little waspy bastard lazily took flight. I know, it was only a wasp. Wasps are tiny , we are massive etc. However, I have always had a little bit of a thing about them. And here I was, trapped in a metal box with one buzzing inches from my beautiful FACE!
My foot slipped from the clutch. The car gave a buck like a startled bronco and stalled. Somehow in the midst of the screaming chaos I managed to get the door open and my seatbelt off and hurl myself from the car.
I leapt up and turned back to the metal box of nightmares that my car had become.
No wasp. I looked around to see if anyone had saw the drama. What was I thinking, of course they had. About twenty amused shoppers were pointing and giggling at the grown man who had just thrown himself from his car shouting Wasp! Wasp!
I cleared my throat a few times and spat on the ground as manfully as I could and attempted to swagger back to the door that I had so recently, screamingly clawed my way out of.
Everything alright lass?
Yes daddy, it flew out of the window.
You sure?
Quite sure. I saw it. It flew right out of the window.
I got in tentatively, checking all the little corners for wasp menace. Nothing. I was safe. I breathed in a couple of times to calm myself a tad before setting off for home. It was only a five-minute drive away. I made sure all the windows were wound up full. We arrived home and my little lass ran into the house before me.
Mummy, mummy! Daddy saw a wasp and screamed like a girl!!!
I trailed in and eyed the pair of them malevolently.
Did you Daddy?
Laughed my good lady.
Hmmph. I'm away out to the garage to hit things with a hammer.