Hey Daddy, can you help me put together this toy from Uncle D? The Little Boom yelled as he ran into the living room dragging a big yellow box. I rolled my eyes good-naturedly. Can I help assemble something?

Right guys, who's feeling CRAAAZY?! Rumpled Milkskin roared rather unnecessarily at our table on the Christmas night out. I looked at him. He had had one too many sniffs of the barmaid's apron and despite

Yes lass, I am just cutting through the park. Be home in five minutes. I put my phone away and smiled to myself. It was the weekend, it was nearly December and Christmas was looming. I was feeling

Excuse me, do you have a name tag? A reedy voice piped nasally at me like a baby alligator squealing in a sock. I looked up from my laptop to see which type of neer-do-well was haunting my Thursday office

Hola mi novia, ¿cuándo hay un cenicero en el cielo? I nodded knowingly to my Good Lady and gave her the cheeky wink which implied some chorizo might be forthcoming in her bean stew. Mi cocodrilo jamon

You will love this place my guy, I can't believe you have never been! I stuffed random toiletries into a suitcase in preparation for our holiday to Ibiza at the weekend. The Little Boom looked at me with

Yooohooo! I have arrived and I have apples! A voice resembling an Ostrich being soundly ridden by a bear carried through the house. I looked up from where I sat at the table in the garden and frowned.

Daddy, I am really nervous about my operation tomorrow. The Little Lady looked up at me from her bed, her eyes wide with a hint of fear like a woodlouse exposed to the sun. Hey, chicken pie. Don't you

Guys, can you come to my office please? I shook my head as I read the Teams message that had popped up on my screen. Fucking El-Jefe. He had become insufferable lately. Despite the ravaging of redundancies

I tapped furiously away at my keyboard. I hadn't posted in a while and it seemed that whilst I had been post-free Hive had gone up in flames. People were pointing angrily at each other, bandying hot words

Where do you want it mate? Said the delivery man with a cheeky nod as if he were thinking I might reply with some butt-cheeked innuendo. I gave him a stern look before motioning at a space in the hall

Hey, chick? You have a moment? I approached the Good Lady in the kitchen where I hung seductively like a sex python from the door frame. She looked up at me from the table where she was working and frowned.

Daddy, daddy. Look at me, look at me!! The Little Boom came running into the garden where I was enjoying some rays contemplating the ineffability of existence. Whassup dude? I grunted from my recliney

Isn't this just perfect? For once the Good Lady wasn't folding clothes or threatening me with a rolling pin but instead was looking out at the coastline before us sipping a coffee happily. Yeah, it's pretty

Well my friends, this is it. Ben Nevis. The tallest mountain in Scotland, indeed, the tallest in the UK! Everyone got out of the car and looked up at the not very impressive hill ahead of us. Don't look

It's not Saturday and it's beer!! Hurrah for the beer. Being on holiday my days have blended into one big long day with sleeps and beers interspersed between. Which is no bad thing in my book apart from

The Summer holidays had arrived and I was chilling in the living room. The Little Lady was nearby hanging upside down like a bat from the back of the couch with a book in her hand. Some random playlist

Hey baby, fancy switching things up a little? I grabbed my Good Lady by the hips and attempted to drive her as if she were a tractor in a muddy field. Git... Git bloody off! She shook herself like President

It was in the shady depths of Discord that Prawny of the Shits approached me. First, it was a friend request which I gladly accepted. After all, who could refuse a username like Prawny of the Shits? It

Did something just happen?? The Good Lady called out from where she lay splayed on her Yoga mat like a badly spatchcocked chicken. Daddy-Bear? Was that the door? There was a strange noise. Reluctantly,