Baby Weight

I mean, ah don't know about you but am kinda glad to be back!

I glared at the speaker like a cat would at a wet leather shoe. Was he for real? Could this dude really be standing in front of me claiming that he was glad to be back in work whilst I was slumped at my desk like a slowly deflating balloon of sadness?

I'm not. I hate working. It's shit.

Johnny Worklover shook his head at my folly and trotted off to get held down by a farmer and shorn of his wool like the other sheep.

I humphed and pushed things about on my messy desk sulkily. First day back at work and already about ten people had told me how glad they were to be back.

To cheer myself up I decided to go to the gym at lunchtime.

Whilst I was masturbating my arms on the bicep curl a girl from my Department came over with a big grin on her face.

Hey hey boom dawg! Happy New Year!

And a Happy New Year to you too.

She looked at my pulsating biceps then at my handsome face.

You hitting it hard to lose the baby weight then?

The fucking what? Did she just say that I, Captain Adonis had baby weight?!? I shook my jowly face in irritation.

Oh you know, just getting back into it.

I forced a grin and tried not to make it a fuck you one.

She winked at me.

We should chum up some lunchtimes. It's boring working out yourself. Sometimes you need someone else to give you that push eh?

My flirty flirty radar suddenly twitched and when I say flirty flirty radar I mean my penis. What the bloody hell? Was she putting the moves on the boomster? Was this how it started? One minute we would be working out in the gym together and next minute there would be jizzum and fanny juice flying around a hotel room like spilled drinks in the International Space Station?