RUN!! The APOCALYPSE IS COMING!!!
Well, actually you don't really need to run when the Apocalypse in question is a beer apocalypse. Unless of course, you were running toward it.
Which is what I would do!
So why the Apocalypse?
Because of the apocalyptic beers we have this week, of course!
In this case, we have two stouts which certainly sound apocalyptic but are they really? Do they cut the mustard of being both apocalyptic and splendidly beery?
That is a question that I, as your humble reviewer, am keen to find out. So, bring on the Apocalypse!
Whilst we are at it, let's have some apocalyptic Mongolian Metal music to go with those dastardly beers!
Please forgive the rubbish videos tonight, I have a bit of a cold and can barely see without squinting and dripping from my nose. I am half hoping the beer might cure me because of course, that's a thing that happens, isn't it?
Isn't it?
So, to the first cheeky apocalyptical beer!
This is a strange one. The word Raspberry on the can, of course, put the frighteners on me after last weeks garbage raspberry beer but I was willing to give this one a pass, as it is a stout and stouts can take whacky flavours without being rubbish.
Hopefully...
So let's pour this harbinger of the end of everything.
What in the death rides a pale horse nonsense is this!? I almost literally cannot get this thing to pour without it exploding into a supernova of froth.
The first attempt made it seem like it was a practical joke of a can. I had to chuck it out and start again and the second was not much better.
I am already giving this beer the snark eye...
That's more like it. Now to taste the little bugger. I must say, I can catch the odd whiff off strange fruit from it. It isn't very appealing?
Oh my GOD?!?! This is GOUFING!?!?! GOUF?! Which is a fine Scottish word that is pronounced like GOW-F.
The plastic artificialness of the fruit is like that bad dress that your girlfriend insists on wearing to a wedding with you and all night you have to pretend she is just a madwoman you picked up at a bus stop?!
Bleurgh?! 1/10 booms?! The 1 being a pity point!
Get the next one up!
This one surely wins the prize for the most original and entertaining name for a beer ever?! When the Bear Man mentioned it I thought he was going to start talking about enlarged prostates and all that kind of jazz. But no! A beer.
Let's get it poured.
Now that is more like it. A slightly murky, inky black as if someone has stuck several ninjas in a food processor and given them a whirl with some liquorice. Mmmm mmm! I feel my spidey sense tingling.
But will it fare any better apocalyptically...?
Oh, my flipping flip. This is delightful! I hardly know where to begin. For a start, it's chocolatey as hell, with the maple syrup coming through more strongly than any other maple beer I have had. But for all that maple it isn't overpowering. The taste then resolves into a smokiness which lingers tantalisingly on the tongue.
This is surely worthy of a mighty 10 booms!!!!
No doubt about it, the evening is saved! The night is not ruined. I, despite feeling like someone has shat in my head am a happy happy man!!
Hurrah for chocolate and maple beers!
Cheers everyone, have a lovely weekend!