I can't wait, he is one of my favourite authors. This will be amazing!
I babbled at my colleague Kali-Mari.
I had just booked a ticket to see Joe Abercrombie, a slightly famous gritty fantasy author who was doing a signing of his new book at the local bookstore next week.
To say I was excited was an understatement.
What, who are you going to see?
Interrupted another colleague, a small BSA chap we all called Snitch on account of his clitoris-like nose.
Joe Abercrombie, the fantasy author. You know him?
I said, hopping from foot to foot.
Snitch made a face like a Goat's arse in a fire.
I stopped my hopping and gave him a hard stare.
What's with the face? You not like him or something?
Snitch shook his head and made a deep lowing sound like a cow with cracked nipples at the approach of her six hungry calves.
I tried one of his books once but I'm just not into all that gay porn shit.
He shook his head at the folly of the gay porn shit fans.
What gay porn shit?
I asked, baffled.
Snitch made a humphing sigh and looked at me pityingly.
That fucking sex scene with the alien dude and cocks everywhere. For fuck sake, is that not gay enough for you?
He sneered at my genteel innocence.
I don't remember any scene like that... Are you sure that wasn't a dream you had, mateychops?
I clucked at him like a contented old chicken in a shoebox filled with straw.
Snitch puffed up with indignation.
Was it fuck!? We don't all dream about cocks, mate.
His face purpled at the thought of all the cocks chasing him in his sleep.
I had a thought.
Hey, do you want to come with me to the book signing? It will be good fun and afterwards there's bound to be lots of cocks and alien dude sex?
I smiled winsomely at him.
He gazed back at me with the stoniest expression I have seen in a long long time.
No thank you.
He replied stiffly turning to walk away.
Are you sure? I'll let you suck me off afterwards?
I called after him.
He jumped, mid-stride, as if stung and turned ever so slowly to face me, his little mousey face twitching wildly.
There's something wrong with you.
He muttered indignantly then stomped off.
I nodded. He was probably right.
