They say that, when life gives you lemon, make a lemonade. In short, learn how to go with the flow. Problems may come, but you should know how to handle it.
Hello people of Hive!
It's been so long since i posted.
In today's episode,allow me to share my insights about random stuffs that are making my mind occupied most of the time. Thoughts that made me overthink.
But before i start, let me ask you some questions.
What are the things that make you wonder alot? Have you ever thought about random things that can make you cry instantly? Or stuffs that makes you happy in an instant? How about struggles in life that gives you lesson and helped you grow as a person?
People think that i am happy and cheerful all the time. Smilling, laughing, jolly and energetic. But little did they know, those things are just my defense mechanism or mask to cope with the pain and ocean of problems i bear everyday.
I've been struggling alot lately. Struggling financially, Physically and Mentally.
Struggling finacially due to the fact that our money is not sufficient and has been spent on things that are not that necessary. As well as on bills and allowance of me and my brother. We're already in college and payments have become bigger and bigger. I am earning from my part time jobs,yes i do, but it's not enough to sustain our daily expenses. It's hard to see my parents crying especially my mom. I even caught her one time at night because of financial problems, she was bursting silently in tears while i was just about to go and check the door if it is locked when i saw her ,so i hid behind the door and watch her. At first i thought she was just doing something but as i look closer,she was crying silently. I just stared at her while she pray and pretend in the morning that she's fine, as if nothing happened.When i saw my mom crying, It was heart breaking. I really thought that moment that i was useless daughter.
Physical problems are just one of the things that bothers me lately . My mom has been dealing with her heart failure and high blood pressure. While i am having a hardship because of an unknown thing that is happening in the back of my head. It seems that, due to my overthinking and worrying about stuffs, i think one of my veins at the back of my head, starts to beat with pain. I know that my father and brother have their own probelems too, but they prefer not to share to make us not to worry.
From the past few weeks, I've been drained with alot of things. School works, financial problems, headaches and insecurities. Because of those things i overthink alot, it made me mentally exhausted. Sometimes i just stair at the wall or at the ceiling for hours and doing nothing. Sometimes I walk home with a blank face and not looking at anything but the ground. I feel very down as if I'm the loneliest person alive. I was drained with stuffs that are kind of out of my league. I overthink about thoughts that i shouldn't think deeply. I worry about problems that should be shared with my family.
Despite of all those struggles, i still keep in mind that God will guide me and will help me to be better. He didn't gave me this pain without a remedy. The pain may not be cured or prevented today, but i know someday, it will end and when that day comes, I'll be very proud of myself and thank Him for giving me strength and courage in life.
