Resentment is all i felt in the innermost parts of my soul, whenever i laid my eyes on her.
The wave of anger that overwhelmed me at that particular moment is incomparable. At that same moment, myself and my emotions are at war on which should take the driver's seat. A stockpile of questions with a pinch of regret starts flowing into my mind; why did i decide to know this person in the first place? why did i spend so much time and energy on this person? why did i become intimate with this person? Did i jump the gun in her own case? the questions kept sailing like a ship on the landscape of my mind. the regrets exploding itself on my soul like grenades
i am stuck in an ultimatum, choosing between self imposed anger and an acceptance of the ordeal. Deep down, i felt i wasn't even liked not to talk of loved by the other party; Did i misinterpret the signals i got? i don't know.
The signs were there but i chose to overlook it, because i was caught up in this fantasy of love; where flaws are ignored but seen as the strengths of the person. To my greatest capability, i tried to make it work, but the person i was with came with a lot of baggages i found myself too light to carry it.
i had to bring the whole ship; whether friendship or whatever it was to an end, my peace became paramount to me. i don't know whether i gave her a fair judgement based on knowledge of her past, or the court of my mind were too hasty and cruel in passing judgement on her based on the aforementioned. The resentment we bore towards each other at the moment is alarming If i am allowed the monopoly of describing the situation. One time friends turned enemies. Nothing in life lasts forever was the biggest lesson i learnt from that experience.
we had the option of talking about it like adults, but i chose to behave like a kid for my own sanity. i hope we all get what we need later in life. And i pray to discard this animosity that tends to drown my sanity.
Ciao.
